Forty Words for Sorrow

Edie was plunging the dishmop in and out of a glass so that it made exaggerated sucking noises. It made Eric want to hit her. Sometimes I don't know why I bother, he said to himself. I swear I don't. This was the running commentary Eric Fraser carried on with himself all the time. Yet it was hard to resist Edie's sheer worship of him; he had never experienced anything like it. And if she didn't look the way he wanted her to look, well, he told himself, maybe I shouldn't even think of her as a woman. I should think of her as a pet, some kind of reptile.

"Eric, we already talked about this when we taped… you know. When we taped-"

"Todd Curry getting his brains beat out. It's just words, Edie. You can say them." He hated it when she went all mealymouthed.

"We can't be making movies of this stuff."

"Stuff. What stuff? Say the words, Edie. Say the words."

"I thought we agreed it's a surefire way to get caught. We talked about it. I thought we agreed."

"What stuff, Edie? If you can do it, you can say it. What stuff? Say the words. I'll quit talking altogether, if you're going to get all mealymouthed."

"Stuff like Todd Curry getting his brains bashed out. Stuff like Katie Pine getting suffocated. Like Billy LaBelle. There. Are you satisfied?"

"We didn't tape Billy LaBelle. Thanks to you letting him choke on his fucking gag."

"I don't see why that's my fault. You're the one who tied him up."

Eric didn't push it; Edie's face, that patchy hide, had gone tomato red. Such a turn-on to hear her say the words. Suffocated. Bashed. Eric basked in the sounds for a few moments before speaking again. "People want to see violence, Edie. They have a need to see violence. They've always had a need to see violence. Just like they've always had a need to inflict it." Inflict. He turned the lovely liquid sound over in his mind. Inflict.

"We can't keep going on camera, Eric. And you certainly can't show the film to anyone. It's insane."

Inflict. Inflict. So lovely and liquid on the tongue, Eric couldn't stop repeating it to himself.

"How long can we keep films of this stuff- these parties. It's just so risky."

Eric was opening the camera, now, extracting the videotape. There was an input for a stereo microphone, and his thoughts turned toward music. What would be the proper accompaniment? Heavy metal? Something electronic?

Edie's voice yanked him out of reverie. "There was a cop outside, today. A female cop."

Eric looked up. He told himself there was no need for panic, it was probably nothing.

"She was parked across the street. Said there'd been a bunch of burglaries."

Probabilities flickered through Eric's mind: Had they made any terrible errors? Could the cops know anything about them? No. There was no reason for the cops to suspect them of anything. He relayed this to Edie, in his calmest, most rational voice. Algonquin Bay. How smart can the cops be in a snowbound dump like Algonquin Bay?

"It scared me, Eric. I don't want to go to prison."

"You won't."

Eric was not in the mood to talk, but he didn't want Edie backing out on him, and he could see she needed reassurance. That was easy enough. Edie was like a telephone menu: you just had to push the right button. For soothed nerves, push 1. "If the cops were really watching us," he said reasonably, "there's no way she would have spoken to you. Obviously, Edie, if the woman suspected you of anything, the last thing she's going to do is let you know it. The most logical explanation is she was checking out burglaries, just like she said. Nothing to worry about." It was the most Eric had said to Edie in three weeks.

She was already responding. She was still standing at the sink, and her back was to him, but he could see her shoulders relaxing. "Really, Eric?" she said. "Do you really think that?"

"I don't think it, I know it." He could see her muscles loosen at the sound of his confidence. He was confident, wasn't he? The appearance of a cop in the neighborhood was- well, all right, maybe it was a little unnerving, but it would serve to make him more careful, more alert. Until the discovery of Katie Pine's body, the police had remained abstract figures, the black shapes of nightmare. Then they had appeared on television; they had taken on human form. And with the finding of Todd Curry, they had even become familiar, at least that one detective- the tall one with the sad face.

Television had made the Windigo Killer familiar, too. Eric had almost come to believe in the mythical murderer. He had a vague idea of him as some middle-aged nonentity, a janitor, say, or a middle manager, who stalked the playgrounds and swept children away to their doom. He certainly didn't think of himself as the Windigo Killer. That was just television chatter. News nerds telling ghost stories.

But the police had taken on flesh and bone. Flesh and bone waiting outside in the falling snow. Waiting for him. Let them. It would make him all the stronger.

"I'd rather die than go to prison," Edie was saying. "I wouldn't last a day in there."