Frog

Old uncle, you’re making fun of me. I thought anyone who reached your station in life knew every trick in the trade. Even a lowly commoner like me hears things, so how could you not know?

I’ve only been back a few days.

Okay, let’s say you don’t know. Since you’re from around here, there’s no harm in a foolish nephew like me prattling on to keep you from getting bored.

Go on.

The bullfrog farm is just a front for Uncle Yuan, he said. His real business is helping people make the other kind of ‘wa’ — babies.

That shocked me, but I tried not to show it.

To put it nicely, it’s a surrogate-mother centre. Not so nicely, he hires women to have babies for other women who can’t have them.

People actually engage in that kind of business? I asked him. Doesn’t that make a mockery of family planning?

Oh, old uncle, what times are you living in, bringing up something like family planning? These days the rich fine their way to big families — like the Trash King, Lao He, whose fourth child cost him 600 000. The day after the fine notice arrived, he carried 600 000 to the Family Planning Commission in a plastic knit bag. The poor have to cheat their way to big families. Back in the days of the People’s communes, the peasants were tightly regimented. They had to ask for days off to go to market and needed written authorisation to leave the area. Now, you go where you want, no questions asked. They go out of town to repair umbrellas, resole shoes, peddle vegetables, rent basement rooms or set up tents at bridgeheads, and they can have as many babies as they want. Officials impregnate their mistresses — that needs no explanation. It’s only public servants with little money and even less courage who toe the line.

If what you say is true, then the policy of family planning exists in name only.

No, he said. The policy is in place. Because that’s the only way they can legally collect fines.

Well, then, let the people have their babies. Why go to Yuan Sai’s surrogate-mothers centre?

You must be so caught up in your career, old uncle, you don’t know what’s going on around you. He smiled. The rich are supposed to have lots of money, but there aren’t many like the King of Trash, who’s so free with his money. For most people, the more they have the stingier they get. They want a son to inherit their riches, but not at the cost of a steep fine. So they hire a surrogate mother to get out of paying a fine. And most rich folks, the upper crust, are around your age, so when the man decides to try, he has to look somewhere other than his wife.

So take a mistress.

Of course, a lot of them do, sometimes more than one, but more common are men who are henpecked and hate being inconvenienced. They are Uncle Yuan’s clients.

The sight of the little pink building that housed the offices of the bullfrog farm and of the golden halls of the Fertility Goddess Temple across the river gave me a bad feeling. I thought back to that recent morning after returning from a toilet visit at the health centre to an extraordinary bedtime drama with Little Lion.

You don’t have a son, do you, Old Uncle? Flathead’s son asked me.

I didn’t answer.

It’s not right for a special man like you not to have a son. You know that, don’t you? It’s actually a sort of sin. As Mengzi said: Of the three forms of unfilialness, not having an heir is the worst.

… After holding it in all night, I feel much better after relieving myself. I could use some more sleep, but Little Lion is getting frisky, and that hasn’t happened in a long time…

You must have a son, old uncle. This isn’t just about you, but for all of Northeast Township. Uncle Yuan has suggested many ways you could manage this, but a sexual surrogate is the best. The surrogate women are all beautiful, healthy, unmarried college graduates with terrific genes. You can stay with one until she’s pregnant with your child. It’s not cheap, at least two hundred thousand yuan. Of course, if you want the very best for your son, you can give her the most nutritious food and, if you’re so inclined, a personal bonus. The greatest danger is that an extended period of living together could produce an emotional attachment, and what was only pretend could turn into something real, which in turn would affect your marriage. That’s why I think your wife won’t let you get away with this.

… She seems to be in the grip of passion, but her body is cold, and she’s acting totally out of character. She wants to do it differently this time. What is it you want? I can see that her eyes are flashing in the morning light. She gives me a mischievous smile. I feel like abusing you. First, she puts a blindfold on me. What are you doing? Don’t take it off — after years of bad treatment, today I want to get my revenge. Are you going to give me a vasectomy? She giggles — I couldn’t bear to do that. I want you to enjoy this…