Frog

The two cops — one with the growth, the other very tall — turned to leave, but the third man — who had a wide mouth on a square face — kept staring at the signboard and had no interest in leaving. Let’s go, Wang, Eyebrow Growth said. Has the sight of the babies paralysed you? Wide Mouth responded with a note of approval, Cute, really cute! Eyebrow Growth teased, Then go home and give your seed to your wife. Can’t, Wide Mouth said, she’s barren. I can do the planting, but there’ll be no sprouts. The tall cop joined the conversation: Don’t put all the blame on her, he said. Go get checked. Maybe your seeds have all been fried. No way, Wide mouth said…

The banter continued as they climbed into their car and left me there under the signboard, depressed but resigned to my fate. What would I have gained by going to the station with them and making a report? Since the women were Zhang Quan’s daughters — he had a third — Gugu was their enemy, and now I knew why the boy had scared her with that frog. He’d probably been coached by his mother or aunt as a means of avenging their mother, even though Gugu had not been responsible for her death. You can’t be reasonable with people like that. To hell with it, I lose. No, God is testing me. So grin and bear it. I’m a strong-willed man, a playwright, and all these encounters and experiences constitute superb material. Important people become important by enduring the suffering and humiliation that defeats ordinary people. Examples like General Han Xin, who drank the cup of humiliation; or like Confucius, who endured hunger from Chen to Cai; or Sun Bin, who ate his own faeces… how can the little bit of suffering and humiliation I endured be mentioned in the same breath as that of those sages and ancient wise men? With that thought in mind, Sensei, I gained a sense of tolerance as my breathing returned to normal, my eyes lit up, and I felt my strength slowly return. Stand up, Tadpole, the heavens have bestowed great responsibilities on you. You must bravely accept suffering without complaint and with hatred towards no one.

I stood up, and though my wounds hurt, I was famished, my legs were rubbery, and I saw stars, I would not allow myself to fall back down. I thought there’d be people watching me, but there were none. Even the guards at the hospital entrance ignored me. This confirmed what Li Shou had told me. Thoughts of Li Shou reminded me of Chen Mei, in whose belly my child was growing.I felt different about that now than I had in the morning. I’d been hell-bent on forcing the death of the child, but no longer. I turned to look at the hospital signboard and the thought running through my head could not have been clearer: I want that child! I desperately need that child. He is a treasure sent down to me from the heavens, and is worth all my suffering.