Frog

Tadpole’s elementary school classmates Li Shou and Yuan Sai, plus Tadpole’s cousin, enter, each intoning pleasantries and the traditional words of congratulations.

Gugu, in a deep red gown, enters in the company of Hao Dashou and Qin He.

TADPOLE: (welcoming) We’re glad you’ve come, Gugu.

GUGU: How could I not come when the Wan family has a new son?

TADPOLE: It is only through the efforts of Gugu that Jin Wa has come to the Wan family.

GUGU: You flatter me. (looks around, smiles) No exceptions. (The others seem puzzled.) Except for these two (points to Hao and Qin), all of you here came into being with my two hands. I can tell you how many warts there are on all your mothers’ bellies. (laughter all around) Why aren’t you people seated?

TADPOLE: Who would dare sit down before you?

GUGU: Where’s your dad? Have him come out and take the seat of honour.

TADPOLE: He’s been a little under the weather the past few days, so he’s gone to my sister’s to get over it. He said to give you the seat of honour.

GUGU: I cannot refuse.

EVERYONE: It’s only right.

GUGU: Tadpole, you and Little Lion are both over fifty, and you have a bouncing baby boy. While that won’t get you into the — it’s Guinness, right? — the Guinness Book of World Records, it’s the first time in my five decades of delivering babies. That makes this a joyous occasion.

The other guests join in, some saying Joyous occasion, others saying A miracle.

TADPOLE: All thanks to Gugu’s medical genius.

GUGU: (emotionally) In her youth, Gugu was a dyed-in-the-wool materialist, but now, an old woman, she’s grown increasingly idealistic.

LI SHOU: There ought to be a place in the history of philosophy for idealism.

GUGU: Hear that? There’s a big difference between the educated and the uneducated.

YUAN SAI: We know nothing about idealists and materialists, we’re all coarse people.

GUGU: There may be no ghosts and spirits in the real world, but divine retribution definitely exists. For Tadpole and Little Lion to be blessed with a son in their fifties proves that the Wan family had built up considerable merits in past lives.

COUSIN: Gugu’s medicine also helped.

GUGU: Sincerity can work miracles. (turns to Tadpole) Your mother lived a miserly life, but things are better for your generation. You have plenty of money, and now this joyous addition. It’s time to change and show some generosity.

TADPOLE: You needn’t worry, Gugu. Though we have no camel’s hump or bear’s paw, there is more than enough meat, fish, and fowl here for everyone.

GUGU: (examines the table) Seven plates and eight bowls, that looks like plenty. But what about liquor? What’s there to drink?

TADPOLE: (reaches under the table and takes out two bottles of Maotai) Maotai.

GUGU: Real or fake?

TADPOLE: I got it from Liu Guifang, manager of the municipal guesthouse. She guarantees it’s real.

LI SHOU: She’s an old classmate.

YUAN SAI: It’s the old classmates you have to watch out for.

GUGU: Her, she’s the second daughter of Liu Baofu in Liu Family Village. Also one of mine.

TADPOLE: I pointed out that relationship to her. With care and respect she took these bottles out of her safe.

GUGU: She’d be embarrassed to give you fake Maotai for me.

Tadpole opens the bottle and offers Gugu the first taste.

GUGU: It’s excellent. The real thing, no doubt about it. Now, pour it for everyone.

Tadpole pours glasses for everyone.

GUGU: Since I’ve been given the seat of honour, I’ll start the ritual. For this first glass, we thank the leadership of our Communist Party, which has freed us all from poverty, led us to wealth, liberated our thoughts and brought us a good life, and that is what guarantees a fine future. What do you say, everyone, did I get it right?

The crowd shouts its agreement.

GUGU: Empty the first glass!

Everyone drinks.

GUGU: For the second glass we thank the Wan family ancestors for accumulating so many merits that their sons and grandsons live comfortable lives.

Everyone drinks.

GUGU: For this third drink we turn to the reason we are here, to celebrate the birth of a son late in life to Tadpole and his wife Little Lion.