Girlology: A Girl's Guide to Stuff that Matters

But be careful! If you give it away too soon, it starts to decrease. It becomes less and less and less. But if you hold on to it and protect it and respect it, it will grow and grow and grow. When you do find true love, your true love will also respect that power and help you to protect it. When the time is right to share it, it doesn’t decrease when you release it . . . it grows! That’s when intimacy and sex are great! It feels great physically, it feels great in your heart, and it feels powerful. With the right person, your sexual power and all this other power you’ve been growing is a gift for both of you.

It’s important to keep that power within you until you know you have found true love. Depending on your values, that may mean marriage. Too many girls give it away in middle school or high school when they don’t really know that they have true love. Sex doesn’t make true love. True love lasts, right? What’s the rush? Don’t give it away!

And if you’ve already given some of it away to guys who don’t respect and protect you, you can stop! Just because you’ve made one (or two or three or twenty-five) mistakes, it doesn’t mean you have to keep giving your power away over and over again. If you’ve felt that loss of power before, you know what we mean. Girls who have felt that power loss learn that sex in the wrong relationship isn’t worth the stress, the worry, the emotions and the physical risks. But if you make new choices to protect yourself and your sexual power, you’ll have something special to share when you do have true love. You can build your Girl Power back up!

People who try to take your power away from you aren’t interested in you. They are just interested in stealing something special. The person who values your Girl Power, protects it and helps it grow wants what is best for you. He is interested in you. He knows that your Girl Power is special. And he likes that!

Take control of your body. Learn how it works. Make a plan for your sexual involvement. Protect and grow your Girl Power. Save it for yourself and true love. Be Powerful!

Acknowledgments

Girlology would have never blossomed like it has without some magical connections. We are so grateful for the special people who have been placed in our paths, particularly our energetic and hip editor Amy Hughes who has been wonderfully enthusiastic about Girlology since that first day at Starbucks. We would have never met her without another writer, Marcia Higgins White, who put us in the public eye. The other amazing connection occurred with Jennifer Craig, our legal eagle, Nikki and Abby at Skirt! magazine, and Sally Pascutti and Stephanie Hunt our intuitive wordsmiths. We know how these magical connections really occur, and we are grateful.

We are also indebted to many steadfast cheerleaders. Robin Berlinsky, Gina English, Carolyn Evans, Beth Rucker and Beth Cairns have provided great ideas and energy. We relied heavily on the awesome mom-daughter groups who provided critical review, insight and suggestions. They include Lyn, Rachel and Sarah Neil; Laura, Megan and Jamie Spinella; Susan Simonian and Katie Houle. We also appreciate the patience and support of our colleagues at Charleston Pediatrics and East Cooper Women’s Center.

We’d each like to thank our parents for their unwavering support and tolerance of our “openness.” We love you dearly. Our husbands, also tolerant and unconditionally loving, have been incredibly patient and encouraging. Thanks Michael and Steve for keeping it all together while cheering us on. Our daughters, Emily, Caroline, Ella, Anne Claire and Maehler, have been our inspiration. We hope each of you will grow up to be confident and secure with your power and not be embarrassed that your moms go around talking about puberty and sexuality.

Finally, we are most appreciative of the thousands of mothers who have trusted us to start important conversations with their daughters, and to the daughters who have taught us so much. Keep on talking!

About the Authors

In a casual conversation one day, Dr. Melisa Holmes, an ob-gyn and Dr. Trish Hutchison, a pediatrician, laughed about how often mothers seem to stiffen with fear when the topics of puberty and sexuality come up. “How do I start the conversation?” “What do I say?” “Can I just bring my child to you and let you give her the talk?” These questions are a daily occurrence in both of their offices. Fortunately, moms have come to the right place because Drs. Holmes and Hutchison are both passionate about helping girls feel good about and understand their changing bodies.