Give Me Five

ME: What? No. What are you talking about?

LANA: Just admit it. You did it because I wouldn't let your boyfriend's stupid band stink up the place. Admit it.

ME: No! That's not it at all. It wasn't me, anyway. It was my grandmother.

LANA: Whatever. All you Genovians are the same.

Then she whipped back around, before I could say another word.

All you Genovians? Um, excuse me, but I'm the only Genovian Lana has ever even met.

She has some nerve . . .

Thursday, May 8, Bio

Mia, are you all right?

Yes, Shameeka. It was just an apple core.

Still. That was way cool how Lars hit that guy. Your bodyguard has some sharp reflexes there.

Yeah, well. That's why he got the job. So how come you're speaking to me? Don't you hate me, too? I mean, after

all, you and Jeff were going to go to the prom.

Well, it's not YOUR fault it got cancelled. Besides, I wouldn't have had that much fan at it anyway. I mean, not

if the only other girl from my class was going to be LANA!!!!!!!!! By the way, did you hear about Tina?

No. What?

Yesterday, when Boris was waiting at his locker for Lilly —you know, he put that Happy Ad in the paper, asking her

to meet him there after school, so they could talk? Well, Tina decided to meet him, you know, and ask him if he

wanted to grab a frozen hot chocolate at Serendipity, because she felt so sorry for him and all. Well, I guess he

finally gave up on waitingfor Lilly, since he said yes and the two of them went, and this morning, I swear I saw them holding hands beside the foamcore sculpture of the Parthenon outside the language lab.

WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT? YOU SAW TINA AND BORIS HOLDING HANDS. TINA AND BORIS.

TINA and BORIS PELKOWSKI????

Yes.

Tina. Tina Hakim Baba. And Boris Pelkowslci TINA AND BORIS????????? '

YES!!!!!!!!!! Oh, my God. What is happening to the world we live in?

Thursday, May 8, Third Floor Stairwell

Shameeka and I cornered Tina after we came out of Bio. and dragged her up here to demand confirmation of the holding-hands-with-Boris thing. I am skipping Health and Safety, but who cares? I would only end up sitting there under

the hostile gazes of my fellow Health and Safety practitioners, one of whom includes my ex-best friend Lilly Moscovitz,

whom I have absolutely no desire to speak to anyway.

Besides, my Asperger's syndrome report is due, and I didn't exactly have a chance to finish it, due to the severe emotional problems I am suffering right now on account of my mother's bladder problems and my boyfriend's refusal to take me to the prom and the whole strike thing and all.

I cannot believe the stuff that is spilling out of Tina's mouth. About how all her life, she's just been looking for a man who

could love her the way heroes in the romance novels she likes to read so much love their heroines. About how she never thought she would meet a man who could love a woman with the intensity of the heroes she admires most, like Mr. Rochester and Heathcliff and Colonel Brandon and Mr Darcy and Spiderman and all.

Then she says that watching the way Boris fell apart after Lilly left him for Jangbu Pinasa made her realize that out of all the boys she had ever met, he was the only one who seemed close to fitting her description of the perfect boyfriend. Except, of course, for the whole looks thing. But other than that, he is everything Tina has ever wanted in a boyfriend:

• Loyal

(Well, that goes without saying. Boris would never even LOOK at another girl after he hooked up with Lilly.)

•Passionate

(Uh, I guess the whole globe thing proved Boris is deeply passionate. Or suffers from Asperger's syndrome.)

•Intelligent

(4.0 GPA)

•Musical

(As I can only too readily testify.)

•In touch with popular culture

(He does watch Buffy?)

• Fond of Chinese food

(This is true as well.)

•Absolutely uninterested in competitive sports

(Except figure skating. Well, he is Russian.)

Plus, Tina adds, he is a really good kisser, once he takes out his bionater.