Granny Dan

Danina couldn't imagine what she was going to say to her now. Perhaps ask her to leave that morning, but perhaps that would be a relief. She couldn't drive herself any harder, and she hadn't heard a word from Nikolai in three weeks now, and it was driving her insane. He had answered none of her letters, but suddenly she wondered if they had even been mailed. She had left them in the front hall, as she always did, with the others. But perhaps they were being singled out now for the garbage. She was wondering about it as she went to Madame Markova's office, and gave a huge start when she saw him sitting there. It was Nikolai, and he seemed to be having a pleasant conversation with Madame Markova. And when Danina entered the room, he turned to her and smiled. Just seeing him there, she felt her heart pound, and her legs go weak.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, with a look of amazement. She wondered if he had been telling the whole story to Madame Markova, but she understood instantly from the look in his eyes that he hadn't given away their secret. He understood that much, and he was quick to explain his presence to her, or the pretext he had come on, so Danina herself wouldn't make a mistake in what she said in front of Madame Markova.

“I came to see how you are doing, Miss Petros-kova, by order of the Czar himself. He wished to be reassured as to your health, since no one has heard anything from you since you left us. The Czarina was particularly worried.” He said it with a warm smile at Madame Markova, who had the grace to look a trifle awkward, and briefly turned away.

“Have you not gotten my letters? Have none of you?” Danina looked horrified as he shook his head. “I have been leaving them to be mailed, as I always do. Perhaps they're not mailing my letters.” Madame Markova was staring at her desk and said nothing.

“And your health then? You look quite pale, and much thinner than when you left us. I fear you've been working too hard, Danina. Have you? You must not overdo it so soon after being so ill.”

“She must retrain her body,” Madame Markova said sharply, “and learn discipline again. Her body has forgotten nearly everything she knew.” Danina knew as well as her mentor did that that wasn't true. But Nikolai looked worried.

“I'm sure she'll find her old strength again very soon,” he said pleasantly, “but she still must not overdo it. I'm sure you're aware of that, Madame Markova,” he said with a smile, looking very official and deeply concerned. “And now, may I spend a moment with my patient? I have a private message for her from the Czar and Czarina.” It was impossible to argue with that, and despite a look of vast displeasure from Madame Markova, Nikolai and Danina were allowed to leave her office together. It was obvious that she was suspicious of him, but she was not entirely certain he was at the root of Danina's betrayal either, and she did not dare accuse him of it. Instead, she let them go quietly, and Danina led him downstairs to the small garden. It was still cool outside, and she put a shawl around her shoulders, over her leotard. He was worried to see her looking so thin and tired, and he longed to put his arms around her and hold her.

“Are you all right?” he whispered as they sat alone in the small garden. “I miss you … and I was so worried when I didn't hear from you.”

“They must be throwing away my letters. I'll mail them myself from now on,” though God only knew when they would give her enough free time to do it. “What has happened?” she asked, looking worried, but still smiling at him. She was so happy to see him. “Are you all right, Nikolai?”

“Of course … Danina, I love you….” He looked anguished as he said it. The pain of her absence had been almost more than he could bear.

“I love you too,” she whispered, as their hands clasped tightly, and unseen by them, from an upstairs window, Madame Markova was watching them, but she could not hear what they said. But she saw the two hands tightly clenched, which confirmed her suspicions. Her mouth was set in a thin, angry line of contempt and determination. “Have you told Marie yet?”

His brows knit before he answered, and he nodded. “A few days after you left.” But he didn't look pleased with the outcome. Danina could see that at once, and she frowned as she listened.

“What did she say?” It had been a ghastly exchange, and a raging battle ever since then. But he had no intention of losing this one.

“You will never believe it, Danina. She does not want to go back to England. She wants to stay in Russia. After fifteen years of threatening to leave, and telling me how much she hates it here, she will not leave now, when I am offering to free her.” Danina looked vastly disappointed by what he told her, and had to fight back tears as she listened.

“And the divorce?”