Granny Dan

“You told me you would talk to me about it again at Christmas,” he said sadly. He was beginning to fear she would never leave the ballet, and they would never be able to have more than they had now, unless his wife died, or changed her mind, or he inherited a great deal of money, none of which was likely. All she could be here was his mistress, and they could only live together a few weeks a year, unless she left the ballet. But even then, he couldn't have housed her, and they both knew that. Vermont was the only hope they had of being together and starting a new life. But the sacrifices required of each of them still made her shy away from any decision.

“I start rehearsals again after Epiphany …” she said vaguely.

“And then you will dance constantly, and it will be summer again … and then the fall season, and you will do Swan Lake again … and then another Christmas. We will grow old together like this,” he said, looking at her with loving eyes filled with sorrow and longing. “We will never be together, if we stay here.”

“I cannot just walk away, Nikolai,” she said gently, just as in love with him as he was with her, possibly even more so, but she understood only too well what he was asking and what it would cost her. “I owe them something.”

“You owe yourself more, my love. And me. They won't be there for you when you're old and can't dance anymore. No one will be there for you. Madame Markova will be gone. We must be there for each other.”

“I will be,” she promised him, and meant it. And with that, he scooped her into his arms, in her elegant silk underwear trimmed in lace, and carried her to the bed where they had first made love, and still took such insatiable pleasure in it. Theirs was a wonderful life, in the brief time they shared, nothing like any other life he had ever known, or any she had dreamed of.

“Perhaps you will tire of me one day,” she said sleepily, curled into his arms after they made love, “if we're together all the time.”

“Don't worry about that.” He smiled, moving so he could kiss her shoulder. Her body was even more beautiful than it ever had been. “I will never tire of you, Danina. Come with me,” he whispered again, and she nodded as she drifted off to sleep.

“I will one day,” she whispered.

“Don't wait too long, my love,” he warned, frightened of a world that was beginning to seem menacing to him. He wanted to leave Russia with her before something happened to all of them. It seemed hard to imagine, but it was possible. There were people in high places now who said so, even if the Czar himself would not admit it. But others that he knew were as afraid as he was, and he didn't want to terrify Danina. But he wanted to take her away from it. Before it was too late, before disaster struck. But he was afraid to say too much to her. His fears sounded so foolish, and all Danina knew was the ballet. She knew nothing of the world beyond it, a world that was becoming more frightening every day.

They ate with the family the next day as planned, and she taught Alexei a magic trick she'd learned from a young dancer who had visited them from Paris. And he was enchanted when she showed it to him. It was a long happy afternoon, a blissful interlude in their lives. She stayed for more than two weeks this time, and didn't go back until the day before rehearsals. She had kept up her daily exercise, but before the season there were always long days of rehearsal that she had to go back for.

“I should go back, to exercise and warm up,” she explained as she packed her bags on her last day with him. She hated to leave him, and was pushing her stay with him in the cottage to its outer limits. But she had also been dancing so well before their break that she thought she could shave off a few days of practice and rehearsal for the second part of their season. “I hate to leave you,” she admitted. They spent the rest of the afternoon in bed after that, making love, and promises, and sharing secrets. She had never been happier with him, and they had never loved each other more than they did at that moment. It was a magical time for them.

And when she left the next day, he promised to come to her next performance.

“We have to rehearse first,” she reminded him as she kissed him good-bye at the train.

“I'll come to see you in a few days.”

“I'll be waiting for you,” she promised. It was one of the happiest times they had ever spent, and she was going to ask Madame Markova if she could have another week away with him in the spring. She was sure that Madame Markova would be furious over it, but if Danina danced well enough in the next three months, she might just agree to it. She was pleased, thus far, that Danina hadn't done anything drastic or foolish, and she was virtually certain now she never would.