Hollyleaf’s Story

Fallen Leaves was quiet for a moment. Then he asked, “Do you think Squirrelflight loved you?”

“Oh yes,” Hollyleaf mewed. “I mean, she fussed over us all the time, just like the other queens in the nursery. But she lied to us! She only told us the truth when another cat forced her to.”

“What about… Leafpool, is it? How did she act toward you?”

Hollyleaf sighed. “She always took an interest in us, but I thought it was because Squirrelflight was her sister. I was her apprentice for a while, in the medicine den, but then I decided to train as a warrior instead. I liked working with her; it just wasn’t what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.”

“And Leafpool knows that you found out the truth?” Fallen Leaves asked.

“Yes,” meowed Hollyleaf, wincing as she recalled her final, furious confrontation with the ThunderClan medicine cat. “I… I told her she deserved to die for what she had done, but she said the worst pain of all was having to live with it.” Hollyleaf stopped talking and looked down at the splinters of feather at her feet.

“It seems to me,” Fallen Leaves began carefully, “that both of these cats loved you very much. Surely two mothers are better than none? And whatever you did before you came here, they must both hope that you are alive and safe.”

“I guess,” Hollyleaf admitted. She shoved the feather splinters out of the nest. “But how can they live with all these secrets? The truth is all that matters!”

“Not always,” mewed Fallen Leaves. “Perhaps those cats believed they were doing the right thing for you and your brothers. You can’t punish them for loving you too much, Hollyleaf.”

He patted her shoulder with his paw, and Hollyleaf lay down again. She couldn’t deny that Fallen Leaves was right: Squirrelflight and Leafpool had loved her. But everything had been complicated by secrets and lies—and by the fact that Hollyleaf had killed Ashfur to keep him from telling everyone. But then I realized it would never stay secret, so I told all the Clans at the Gathering. Ashfur’s death had been for nothing, and Hollyleaf had had no choice but to leave.

Outside, the weather turned even colder. There were fewer fish in the underground river so Hollyleaf made forays into the woods, leaving the tunnels just long enough to catch a mouse or squirrel and once a rather scrawny pigeon. Fallen Leaves never went with her; he had been out a few times, he said, to gather herbs when Hollyleaf first entered the tunnels, but he didn’t feel like he belonged there. Hollyleaf’s heart always twisted with sadness when she saw her friend’s ginger-and-white face peeking from the shadows, watching anxiously as she hunted. Fallen Leaves seemed to view the tunnels as his home and his prison equally. Did he really believe it was too late to find his family?

Hollyleaf always kept an eye out for the fox cub or his mother, but she saw nothing larger than the pigeon among the snowy trees, and only once a trace of snow-filled tracks leading down to the pine copse. She swerved in the opposite direction, using the scent of yarrow to lead her swiftly back to the mouth of the tunnel. There was a little clump growing just outside the entrance, defying the snow with its furry green leaves.

Every time Hollyleaf went outside, she found herself listening for signs of the cats on the other side of the ridge. Were her Clanmates managing to find enough prey in the snow? Were the elders strong and fit? Several times her paws seemed to lead her up to the top of the ridge without her noticing, until she was barely fox-lengths away from the ThunderClan border. But the thought of coming face-to-face with one of her former Clanmates made the blood freeze in her veins, and each time Hollyleaf whirled around at the last moment and ran back down to where Fallen Leaves was waiting for her.

After a quarter moon the snow clouds lifted, leaving a clear sky and crisp, still air. Hollyleaf buried herself in her nest, trying to get warm, but her mind was full of what might be happening in the hollow. She sat up, knowing she wasn’t going to sleep now. The tunnel was filled with silvery light, so bright it was almost like sunshine. Hollyleaf stepped out of her nest and trotted along the passage to the river-cave. It was empty, apart from dazzling light that beamed into every corner and turned the river white. Hollyleaf tipped back her head and strained to look through the hole in the roof. Far, far above, a perfect round moon drifted across the sky. It was a cold night for a Gathering. Hollyleaf pictured the cats huddling together in the hollow, steam rising from their muzzles as they listened to each leader speak.

“You miss your Clanmates, don’t you?” murmured Fallen Leaves behind her.