Household Gods

Lucius and Aurelia gaped, then made gagging noises – exactly as they’d done when she’d suggested they drink milk. Julia said with prim firmness, “I didn’t even know those nasty people had a calendar. I don’t have anything to do with them. They’re all crazy, or so you’d think, the way they act. Even I know better, and I’m only a slave. They don’t respect the gods. They won’t worship the Princeps – why, they throw themselves on legionaries’ swords if anyone tries to make them. If you ask me, they deserve whatever they get.”

That was more than Nicole had bargained for. She thought of herself as a Catholic, though she’d gone to church only a handful of times since she got married, and not at all since the divorce. Visions of catechism class, crucifix on the wall and sappy long-faced Jesus, Christians and lions and legionaries dicing in front of the Cross, swirled in her head, fast enough to make her dizzy. All that, and Victor Mature standing up to Peter Ustinov in a purple gown, while the choir’s voices swelled in the background.

She’d gone back that far? God. Or Jesus. Or somebody. And she hadn’t come back as a Christian, either. Somehow it had never occurred to her that that could happen, that she’d be – a pagan. Or something. It was startling how that struck her, that same twisting in the stomach she’d had when she was seven years old and had learned that not only were some people not Catholic, some people didn’t even believe in Jesus. “Will they go to hell?” she’d asked her mother.

She didn’t remember what her mother had said. Something impatient, probably: “Shut up and eat your dinner.” Her mother didn’t like answering hard questions. Her catechism teacher, when she asked the same question, had gone on about sincere belief, tolerance for other religions, and differing views of the afterlife. It had been more than she’d been ready to swallow, at that age. In a lot of ways, it still was.

Even worse than being a pagan, than being surrounded by pagans, was hearing one of them scorn the religion she’d grown up in. Never mind that she’d fallen away from it. Maybe political correctness had something in it after all. For that matter, so did simple politeness.

She drew breath to begin a reprimand, but let it out again without saying anything. What good would it do? She’d learned long ago never to get into arguments over politics or religion. People’s minds were always made up.

She glanced at Lucius and Aurelia. Was Aurelia named for Marcus Aurelius? Did they do things like that here?

For that matter, weren’t the children supposed to be getting ready for school? Did they even go to school? If they did, they weren’t showing any signs of it. Or was today Saturday? Sunday? Did Saturday or Sunday matter in Carnuntum in the ninth year of the reign of Marcus Aurelius, whenever that was? How could she find out without looking like an idiot again?

Before she could find an answer to any of those crowding questions, Julia said, “Oh! Mistress, here’s Ofanius Valens. He’s early today.” She leaped up and ran busily about, as if the boss had come into the office and found the secretaries in the middle of a kaffeeklatsch.

Nicole leaped up, too, but, once she was up, had no idea what to do. Christ! she thought in panic. A customer! At least Julia had given her his name. She scrambled to remember what a proper restaurant owner would say to a regular. “Good day to you, Ofanius Valens,” she said as smoothly as she could manage – fund-raisers were good practice; so were jury selections. “What can we get for you?”

He sat down on a stool: a thin fellow a few years younger than she, not too clean but not too dirty, either. He’d had horrible acne in his youth, which couldn’t be that long ago; his beard didn’t hide all the scars. “First time you’ve even asked in a while,” he said with a familiar chuckle. “My usual will do fine, thanks.”

And thank you, Ofanius Valens. I’ll remember you in my nightmares. Umma, no doubt, had known what his usual was. Nicole hadn’t the faintest idea. But maybe, she thought with a stab of relief, someone did. “Julia,” she said, “take care of him.”

“Yes, Mistress,” Julia said, and did. Along with his bread and oil, Ofanius Valens favored walnuts and green onions and the wine from under the second lid from the left. As he ate, the eye-watering pungency of the onions moved in around him and settled to stay.

He seemed content enough to have Julia deal with him rather than Umma in person. Nicole congratulated herself for escaping unscathed, for once, from yet another difficult situation. What she’d done didn’t dawn on her for a few moments. She’d ordered Julia about as a mistress would order a slave.

No, she told herself. I’d have handled it the same way if she were free and working for me. Maybe that was true. She thought it was true. She devoutly hoped it was.