In Laymon's Terms

Whether it was because of the police, or Carol, the tree...whooshed! as though a huge fart had been let loose inside...that long green coat billowed out like Marilyn Monroe’s dress when she stood on that subway grate. And the night filled with screams.

The male officer drew his gun, then dropped it to the ground with the rest of his arm. Blood sprayed from the shoulder-stump and a big brown fist grabbed his head and dragged him into the tree, his kicking feet tearing up divots in the lawn.

Carol was screaming and I shouted at her over my shoulder to run!

The female officer had managed to draw both her gun and her radio. She was shrieking incoherently (to my ears) into the radio, and when she started firing her hand was shaking so badly her first shots shattered the nursery window and knocked a chunk of siding out of the wall. Then the creature burst out of the tree—not entirely...it held on to something inside with one limb—and grabbed the officer by the face. Her screams became muffled and smothered in the hairy, wooden grip. She managed to raise her arm and fire her gun once more, then she was flung to the ground, leaving most of her bloody face in the fist of the creature.

I spun around and saw Carol lying on the front lawn, legs spread-eagled and clutching her heaving belly.

Oh Christ...not now...please...!

I grabbed the bucket of gasoline from the doorway, clutched the Zippo in my hand, and turned to see the mangled remains of the female officer being hurled through the air in a red and black mess. A warm spattering suddenly moistened my face, and the sharp taste on my lips wasn’t rain. She flew high into the night above, and came down with a metallic crash onto a car parked across the street.

Then the creature turned, and although there was some distance between them...I had no doubt it could reach Carol.

I stepped in front of my wife and the creature lunged forward. Some kind of trailing, ropy cord unfurled from its rear, running back into the tree. I hurled the bucket’s contents right at it, soaking it with gasoline. It hit me hard. I flew backwards, slamming into the ground with the creature on top of me. The stench of gas was overpowering. I could barely breathe and then something poked into my belly, gouging the flesh, burrowing and rummaging inside as though looking for loose change in a pocket.

I tried to ignore the pain...(in fact, it was more a numbing sensation than an agonizing one)...and I flicked open the Zippo in my hand.

I would go up with this creature, but Carol and the baby...

I flicked the flame into life, hoping I’d be able to—

White light exploded in the night...followed an instant later by a deep, powerful phoof! sound. Flames engulfed us. I shoved, kicked, and punched. The fire spat out sparks and crackled like crumpling plastic. The creature’s fangs had become little flames in its mouth. I rolled sideways in panic and something was yanked out of my stomach with a sucking pop!

I could smell burning wood, grass, and flesh. Red and yellow flames danced from my body. I threw myself to the ground, rolling around the way I’d seen done in movies; miraculously, the technique worked. Black smoke billowed from my charred clothes and skin. Numbing shock was slowly giving way to pain. A few feet away the creature was throwing itself around in a panic, still burning...it obviously hadn’t seen the same movies I had. Flames were running down the length of its tail-cord like a lit fuse, and when it reached the tree the lush Cedar didn’t waste any time in going up.

The burning creature began making its way towards Carol. Not as sprightly as it had been, but still intent. This was no longer about hunger...the creature was going to kill her just because.

Her top had pulled up and her bare belly looked huge in the glowing fire of the Cedar, which painted the whole front garden in broad orange strokes and threw manic shadows across her pale, bulging flesh. The heat was like the inside of a barbeque.

I rushed at the creature and kicked as hard and solidly as I could, and felt my foot break with the impact; then I dropped my weight onto its crawling bulk and the flames reintroduced themselves to me. Thick fingers grabbed my jaw and shoved, and I felt my chin jerk sideways to a position it had never known before. The lower half of my face suddenly felt like it had been jammed down into a sink of slushy ice. I tried to scream but that only hurt more. The creature threw me off and reared over Carol, and even in its horrid condition I could sense how it relished what it was about to do. Its bulging paws, all splintered wood and raging fire, reached for her belly.