Johnny Angel

December was a busy month for all of them. Jim's business was taking off. He had three new clients in addition to the two he'd gotten a few months before, and his workload seemed to have increased tenfold. Alice wasn't sure if his giving up drinking had anything to do with it, but he seemed to be working harder, and earning more. And he was more relaxed than he had been in years. He was even taking some afternoons off, or leaving work early at least, to go to some of Charlotte's games. He had become her chief adviser on what he was convinced was a promising athletic career. And now he bragged about her at least as much as, if not more than, he had about Johnny.

Charlotte was basking in the warmth of it. She had just turned fifteen, and the local paper had run her photograph on the sports page. Boys were suddenly of more interest to her, and there was one in particular she liked on a local boys' team. But it was her father's company and approval she craved these days, as though she were making up for all the lost years when he had virtually ignored her. He had talked about it in his AA meetings, and even made amends to her in his Ninth Step, and Charlotte had been startled when he cried when he apologized. He had explained that it had never dawned on him that she could be the fine athlete she was, even though she was a girl. But even if she hadn't been, he would have loved her. He had just been numb for so long that he had lost her. He apologized for all the times he had dismissed her, ignored her, and celebrated Johnny's accomplishments, and never hers. His apology led to a bond between them stronger than any they'd ever had before. And when he was making amends to her, he wished that he could have made amends to Bobby too. But he still felt strange talking to him, and just looking at the child brought back waves of guilt over the accident they'd had because he had been drinking at the time.

Alice was enjoying watching the relationship develop between Charlotte and Jim. She and Johnny talked about it, and the miracle that had come into their life when Jim joined AA. Alice knew without asking him that Johnny had prodded him to it, just as he had opened his father's heart to Charlotte after all these years.

“That was quite an accomplishment,” she said to Johnny while he was helping her do laundry one day. “A miracle actually. Two miracles.” He had stopped drinking, and he had come to love and appreciate Charlotte in all the ways he never had.

And Bobby speaking again was another miracle Johnny could take credit for, although Bobby still wouldn't speak to anyone but Johnny and his mother. But Johnny said that when he was ready to, he would. He thought he should get more sure of himself first. But that moment seemed to be approaching daily. He smiled a lot more now, ventured out of his room more frequently, seemed more present in the family, and was doing really well in school. And when he was with Johnny and his mother, he chattered constantly, and seemed to have a million things to say, and stories to tell.

“What about you, Mom?” Johnny asked her as she started an apple pie for dinner that night. “What do you really want?” She never seemed to ask for anything.

“You,” she said, as she turned to him. “I wish you could come back for good.” But they both knew that was impossible, and he would have if he could. “I'm so glad you've been here for a while.” He had been back for two months, but as Alice looked around at her family, she saw that he was accomplishing all the miracles for which he had come, and inevitably it worried her. Once his work was done, he would have to leave them again. They had never talked about it, but she sensed now that his work here was almost finished. “You won't just disappear, will you?” she asked, with worried eyes, as she rolled out the crust for the pie she was baking for dinner.

“No, Mom. You'll know,” he said quietly. “I wouldn't do that to you.” It had been hard enough surviving the shock and suddenness when he died. She couldn't bear the thought of going through that again. “You'll be ready this time,” he said, reading her mind, and answering her.

“I'll never be ready for you to go,” she said stubbornly, with tears in her eyes. “I wish you could stay here, just like this, forever.”

“You know I would if I could, Mom,” Johnny said, coming to put an arm around her. “But I promise, you'll be ready by the time I have to go. It won't ever be like last time.” The memory of it, the sheer horror and agony of losing him, made her shudder, remembering those first days.

“We're lucky we've had the last two months with you,” she said softly, trying to remind herself to count her blessings. “Have you already done everything you came to do here?”