Journeys into the bright world

Marcia. It was a monstrous battle. I knew, but I couldn't fight it for you. I have the same duality. There's the big M.M. goddess and then there's the little Mini-mouse personality and it's so hard to get those two together. The goddess, she's everything. She pours forth glowing golden abundance of love, money-everything. And then Mini-mouse scuttles around and gets upset. It's so hard to bring those two together. But by God. when you do, then the power comes through. You always have to have the two to bring in the power-like positive and negative or male and female. It never occured to me that a scarab looks like a cockroach. The most sacred thing looks very much like the thing we detest the most. Like if you spell the word lived backward it makes devil. If there's going to be a bright world there also have to be shadows. And you can't just let that shadow pull you apart because the brightness is there. Brightness can live without shadows, but shadows can't live without brightness. That is, those cockroaches on the under side-in a sense even they are testimonials that there is a bright world. The bright world goes on and on without any shadows at all. But you can't have any shadows unless there is a bright world. Oh dear, I'm not saying it right. That's what's bothering me because I'm coming back to the shadow world now. And I know there's a better name for it. This world is beautiful.

Howard. There's no question that it's beautiful. That's what we're working on. We've taken a long scenic tour away from the fact that you should not call this the gray world. What should planet Earth be called? Why not just planet Earth. It's funny, as I'm talking to you with my eyes closed I see the eye and beak of an eagle.

Marcia. You and I are such clean people; we're both what you would call "clean freaks." It's very hard for us to accept that we can have cockroaches in our house. Even when they're only the shadows of scarabs. We're going to have to learn to deal with that. Because a great deal depends on us two Gemini pillars. If you and I can hold up and be those two twists of the spiral we'll be a power. But alas, we have cockroaches under our scarabs, and we must realize that the Sun is there shining all the time even though the cockroaches scuttle away from it. I swear to you, in this lifetime I never before associated a cockroach and a scarab. But obviously they do look the same, don't they. That's not a hallucination. They really do. I never thought of that.

Howard. I can't believe you never thought of that.

Marcia. No, I never did. To me a scarab has always been a purely sacred symbol. But you know, the word "sacred" is the same as the word "sacral." The sacral center is the sex center. It's the highest and the lowest, like Scorpio. If people want to tell dirty jokes the lowest of the low is sex. And yet it's the highest of the high. It's God the Father and Mother Nature coming together and creating worlds. And yet there's nothing lower than dirty sex. The best corrupted always becomes the worst. The scarab becomes the cockroach and the sacred becomes the sacrum-down here at the gut level. The thing we must realize is that these two worlds have to be bound together.

Howard. Well, I really like that picture better now.

Marcia. It doesn't matter whether the scarab reminds you of a cockroach. The reverse is also true, the cockroach can remind you of a scarab… We have such a clean house, with all those white walls. And every time I go out I get some new kind of detergent or bleach. I'm all the time trying to make things whiter and brighter. And its very painful to have cockroaches sitting under the scarabs. But if we realize its only a reflection of the bright world we'll bear with it, because we have such important things to do. And Mini-mouse down there really is the ultimate worry wort. She's a cockroach. I'd like to sweep Mini-mouse right out of this house. But at least I know how to deal with her. Maybe that will be enough.

As we gradually returned to normal consciousness Howard became aware of a strong feeling of energy pulsating through his fingertips. This gave rise to a discussion of the possible uses of ketamine in pranic healing. The general after-effect of this session was to strengthen our conviction that this medicine could be exceedingly helpful in marital counseling and group therapy.