Junior Year Box Set

I reviewed the remainder of the list and realized it wasn’t worth worrying about. The good thing was that Tami and I had reconnected. It just hadn’t turned out like I wanted. I couldn’t figure out what my next steps needed to be right now, but I needed to get my life back on course. Every time I had come off the rails, I had gotten my life back on track. Be it drugs and alcohol, almost dying, or losing Tami, I would come back stronger. I needed to determine which lessons I needed to learn and move on from here.

I looked once more at my goals and decided I needed to add two more. A conversation I’d had with Beth over Thanksgiving had helped clarify this. She had asked me what I wanted to do with my life. I explained how I wanted to live a life with no regrets, one in which if a chance to try something new or different came along, I would go for it and not let my fears hold me back. At least I would never look back and say, “I wish I’d done that.” Something else I’d told her was that I wanted to make a difference. It was important for me to do something that helped other people.

 

5. No Regrets

6. Make a Difference

 

My water was ready, so I made my tea. As I took the first sip, I thought about my new reality. Football two-a-days started tomorrow. Many players dreaded this time of year, but I couldn’t wait. It signaled the beginning of the season we had prepared for all summer long. We had to be ready; every team on our schedule would be gunning for us since we won State last year.

Part of the perks of our success would be unveiled today. The Lincoln Field House was being dedicated. The project had been completed in record time. I couldn’t wait to be able to use the facilities. Looking out my window at the rain, I could see that today would be a perfect day to use the track in the field house.

All of that was great, but what about my personal life if Tami wasn’t going to be in it? Did I want a girlfriend right now? If I did, Pam was supposed to be back today, and I really missed her. She had become one of my best friends in a surprisingly short period of time. There was another flash of lightning; of clarity, really. In truth, I didn’t want a girlfriend.

I let that thought sink in and churn in my mind like the dark storm clouds visible out my window. Did I need a girlfriend to validate who I was? No. Did I need a girlfriend to love me? No. Did I need yet another girl to disappoint me? Did I even need to answer that?

I let my mind race while trying to come to grips with what really mattered to me. Was someone to love and share with really what I needed? Or was now the time to be selfish and achieve my dreams? There was a lot on my plate the next few months: football, modeling, and my movie debut. Did I want a girl in the mix to complicate things?

I don’t know how long I stood and watched the storm, but it finally began to pass. I realized my tea had gone cold, and I shook my head to try to clear it. Then the clouds seemed to part, as if on cue, and a ray of sunshine appeared. I took it as a sign that the darkness that had hovered over me would also pass. I needed to cling to that beacon of hope the sunlight represented, and get on with my life. I smiled, realizing I was ready to face the rest of my life. I vowed not to look back.

◊◊◊

Mom and Dad were in the kitchen drinking coffee and reading the Sunday newspaper when I came down.

“Let’s go to Granny’s for breakfast, my treat,” I suggested.

“You think we might get a cinnamon roll?” Dad asked.

“When have we not gotten a free cinnamon roll?” Mom asked.

Poor Dad hadn’t thought this through. Once Mom and I had him in the car and then fed, he had the pleasure of going to church with us. I’m not sure the congregation was pleased when Dad fell asleep and started to snore, though. He blamed it on the cinnamon rolls.

◊◊◊

As I walked to my car to go for a drive, my phone rang.

“This is David.”

“Hey stranger, feel like spending some time with me today?” Pam asked.

“Is the official cooling-off period over for your dad?”

He had sent Pam and her mom on an extended vacation over the summer because he had caught Pam and me in their basement. Since we wouldn’t promise to stay away from each other, she got to go on a trip.

“We talked about you at length last night. I think Mom has talked some sense into him, so you’re allowed to see me again,” she said.

“Have you had lunch?” I asked.

“Nope, you want to come over and eat?”

I burst out laughing.

“You must think I have a death wish. I plan on doing the typical bad-boy drive-up-and-honk routine.”

“I think for both our sakes you need to face the music, but I promise we can go somewhere else to eat,” Pam said, and then began to talk in her sexy voice. “I might be convinced to play with your ‘little man’ if you treat me right. It’s been a while for me. Someone was too chicken to come out to California.”