Lament for a lost lover

He leaned towards me. “Very soon, dear Cousin, I am going to help you make a man of Edwin.”

“I will have no interference,” I said sharply.

He laughed. “For the good of Eversleigh,” he cried and then he galloped off. When Uncle Toby went to London with Carleton and Lord Eversleigh, we missed him very much and the children were constantly asking when he was coming back. The two boys were very much absorbed at this time with their ponies, and Jasper used to take them out each day. I insisted that they should be on the leading rein except in the home fields. Even then I used to suffer agonies when I saw Edwin galloping round.

Jasper said: “Master Carleton be right, mistress. You’re too careful of the boy.

You’re putting him in a glass case.”

“He is very young yet, Jasper,” I retorted.

Jasper grunted. He was a most surly man and I never could like him. I knew he would like to take us back to the days when it was considered a sin to smile. One thing I was sure of, his daughter Chastity was happier now than she had been before the Restoration.

I couldn’t forget that Jasper had been suspicious of me and had informed against us. I was rather surprised that he remained at Eversleigh, but Lord Eversleigh was a very just man. He said that Jasper had a right to his opinions. He made no secret of them. He was a Puritan at heart and there would always be people like him. He was a good groom and had never failed in his duties in that respect. To my surprise Carleton agreed with him. His comment was: “Jasper couldn’t inform against us now. To whom could he carry his tales? He has a right to his opinions. After all, that was really what the war was all about. The King would be the first to agree.”

So Jasper stayed and gave us good though surly service. I think he was grateful in a way. Although he deplored our love of what he would call sinful luxury, he accepted us as we did him.

I had reason to be grateful to him at this time.

The boys had new riding jackets made of brown velvet with gold-coloured buttons and velvet caps to match. They were very proud of them. Leigh strutted in his. He was an arrogant little boy, but there was something about his delight in everything which made him appealing.

They were eager to ride out in their new clothes and they took their ponies into the field close to the house where they were accustomed to ride round and round. Jasper was always in attendance and I liked to watch them. How smart they looked in their new jackets and how excited they were as always to mount their ponies. I watched them trotting round the field and then breaking into a canter.

Jasper was never very far away. He was teaching them to jump. He sat straightbacked on old Brewster, who was grey and had a dour look to match Jasper’s own. How glad I was of Jasper that morning because for some reason Edwin’s pony decided to bolt. I felt my heart stop and then start to pound away at such a rate that it seemed as though it would choke me.

Time slowed down and minutes seemed to pass, though it could only be seconds while I saw the pony bolting for the hedge and Edwin, who had somehow slipped off his back, managing to cling round his neck. I expected him to fall at any moment. Oh, God, I thought. He is going to be killed. I am going to lose my son as I lost my husband.

I ran, ineffectually, I knew, for the child would be thrown before I could possibly reach him.

But Jasper was there. He had halted the pony, had leaped to the ground and was disengaging Edwin from the pony’s neck and had him in his arms.

I was panting, feeling lighthearted with relief, wanting to promise Jasper anything he asked, for nothing could repay him for what he did.

“’Tis all right, mistress,” he said.

Edwin was laughing. I’ thanked God for the sound of that laughter. Then he was concerned, for he had seen my face. What it looked like I could not imagine. I was clearly white and shaken.

Edwin said: “It’s all right, Mama. I haven’t hurt my coat. My cap though ...” It was on the ground where it had dropped off his head. Jasper put him down and he immediately retrieved it.

He looked a little distressed. “It’s a bit dirty, Mama. Never mind. Sally will clean it.”

I felt I wanted to burst into tears ... with relief ... with thankfulness. I felt a wave of hysteria. My darling was safe. I felt as though I had died a thousand deaths while I watched him and he thought I was worried about his cap!

I wanted to pick him up and hug him, to tell him he must never risk his life again. Jasper was scolding: “You should never have let him go like that. He’s got to know you’re the master. After all I taught you!”

“I know, Jasper, but I couldn’t hold him.”

“No such word as couldn’t, Master Edwin. Up on his back.”

I started to protest but Jasper pretended not to hear me.

“Now off you go. Let him out. Full gallop now.”

Jasper looked at me.