Lightspeed: Year One

I’m sorry, Mama. I’m sure I did something very bad but I don’t know what. Please, can I leave now? I know we need rubles but I’m scared. Please, Mama?

Mama,

I think this is Zhenya, your son. I’m not sure.

Nothing is sure. I understand that now. Everything is, and is not. The dragon helped me understand. A wall is no wall if I’m everywhere.

I can find the food place now, if every one of me goes looking. Every me doesn’t find every food place, but one of me finds a food place.

I don’t know why I was all in one place before. I think all the little parts of me, they could be many different places but they disagreed. They pulled in different directions like in that story about the wagon and the horses so they stayed in place. Now every little piece of me agrees, and I am everywhere I want to be.

Oh, yes, Dr. Olga came back. I was angry about the dragon but she said it’s okay because I can go home soon. You always said I should keep my mouth shut around aunts and uncles, Mama. I try very hard with Dr. Olga but I don’t like her so much anymore.

She says my pathways changed. A miracle of tabyula raza, she says. A young mind can learn to think qantumikally in a simulated qantumikal environment. I think she wanted to talk very much because she said many more things about how she proved the brain of somebody called Penroz is real, which is silly because how could a brain not be real. Then she looked very strange and cried. I asked her why, and she said many important aunts and uncles would be very happy and put her name in books, which I guess is important like when you get a Giness record for how big a cake you can bake.

I don’t care about any of that, Mama. I just want to come home.

Zhenya (probably your son)

Mama,

We are Zhenya, your son.

All of I found the Dr. Olga says I have to write clearly because you can’t understand. Is that why you don’t send me letters, Mama? I’m sorry. I want you to write very much.

I found the treasure place. It’s on the roof, with the stars right above. The treasure’s a groaning metal thing as big as a house. I knew what it was as soon as I saw it because gnomes were standing in a circle, holding their hats and singing, “Treasure, treasure, treasure!”

I’m not sure it’s a very good treasure if gnomes have to tell you that’s what it is. And Sulyik doesn’t like it. I called him over but he just barked and wouldn’t come near.

Anyway, I thought the treasure was interesting. There are so many handles you can pull, it’s like a big yellow hedgehog, with twisting knobbly gears which are never in the same place when you look. Dr. Olga said she couldn’t understand the treasure because it’s a qantumikal motor and it needs a qantumikal brain but I should understand it because I’ve got one.

She’s right. When I’m everywhere at once, I get all tangled up with the treasure and the handles become my arms like I’m conducting an orchestra, and I understand everything. But it’s scary when that happens, Mama. The castle becomes squishy like plasticine in my hands, and I can shape it.

I was very bad at shaping at first so I broke the food place. There were sparks everywhere, and Dr. Olga said the hash had overflowed though I don’t know why because I never saw potatoes in the food place. Then I learned to stretch the castle so for every thin part there is a thick part and it doesn’t break. I stretched and stretched until I could see through to other castles.

Mama, there are many castles just like this one except each a little different. Some are a lot different. And when I stretch more with the handles, I can make openings to those other castles and reach through and be in all castles at once!

Dr. Olga said I should grab rooms and light from the other castles and bring them back so we have more energy. I did it but I think there is another Zhenya and another Sulyik in each of the other castles and they didn’t like it, because there was a loud noise and the castle moved very much, and some of the gnomes screamed and fell to the ground. Now there is green blood on their hats and they don’t move anymore.

Dr. Olga said not to worry, it’s a soft wear glitch and they’re not important anyway. I don’t like the gnomes but I think that’s not very nice of her. The treasure hurt them and it’s all because of her.

I’m scared, Mama.

Zhenya (your son, we are)

Mama,

Today Dr. Olga told me to use the treasure to look out of the castle and at the big room where Sulyik and I went to sleep. I moved the handles to stretch the air and I saw us sleeping on a long table, Sulyik and me. Aunts and uncles worked all around, and in the middle of the room there was a big metal box. It hummed and flashed lights when I moved the handles of the treasure.

I think the metal box is like the treasure except it’s in Moscow and it doesn’t move. When I used the treasure and the box started to make noises, all the aunts and uncles looked very excited and not afraid. I thought that was dumb because I was very afraid.