Lilian Jackson Braun - Cat 11 Who Lived High

The soup course was cream of watercress, followed by crabcakes with shitake mushrooms, baby beets in an orange glaze, and wild rice. A salad of artichoke hearts and sprouts was served on Lalique plates as a separate course, and the meal ended with a chocolate souffl‚. Not bad, Qwilleran thought, for a crate-and-block environment.

Amber said to him, "Every year on the Fourth of July Courtney gives a party on the roof with picnic baskets full of chicken and wine and cherry tarts. The roof is a super place to watch the fireworks." "How do you get up there?" "There's a stairway from Fourteen. The door says No Admittance, but it's never locked. It's a nice place to sun in the summer." Qwilleran said, "As an expert on the Casablanca scene, perhaps you could answer some questions, Courtney.

How come Rupert never seems to do any work? He just hangs around." " Actually he's a security guard," said the host, " and he has an arsenal under that ill-fitting jacket." "How about this guy Yazbro on Four?" "He's a furniture mover with one claim to fame: Ross's body landed on his car, and he got his name in the paper.

Sha!l we have coffee in the lounge area? And would we all like to hear some Noel Coward?" He moved toward a stack of strawberry crates containing cassettes and compact discs.

"Play the tape of your own show, Courtney," said Amber. She turned to Qwilleran. "He's producing an original musical called The Casablanca Cathouse, and the opening number is a blast!" "I'm doing the book and lyrics, but I haven't found a composer yet," said the impresario. "Keestra is doing the choreography. You may have heard, Qwill, about Keestra Hedrog and her Gut Dancers. She lives in 14-B." "Are they belly dancers? I've heard some strange bumps coming through the wall." "They're non-disciplinary, non-motivational interpreters of basic sensibilities," Courtney explained patronizingly.

"Play the opening number, Court," Amber urged.

"Courtney!" he rebuked her. "You'll have to imagine the music." The tape started to unreel, and his voice, with an affected British accent, announced, "Presenting a musical in two acts by Courtney Hampton. The Casablanca Cathouse - Act one, Scene one." The lyrics followed: There's a spot that has been libeled as an odious address Because it's old and battered and the lobby is a mess.

True...

The roof may leak, the hallways reek, The elevators fail to rise, the ceilings drop before your eyes, But it's really not as squalid as you'd guess.

The window sills may start to rot, the taps run dry (both cold and hot), And occasionally the kitchen sink develops a peculiar stink, But it's really not as nasty as you think.

Yes...

The Casablanca Cathouse is a marvelous place to live, Tenants getting more exclusive all the time!

The strippers from the Bijou were evicted the first night.

We've lost the drunken deadbeats who had that bloody fight.

There's a madam on Eleven, but she seems a bit all right, And the window washer fell and gave up crime.

Yes...

The Casablanca Cathouse is a MARVELOUS place to live!

The mice are getting smaller every year.

We're just a tad Bohemian with a decadent kind of chic.

We pass each other in the halls and never, never speak.

Whenever we get mugged, we simply turn the other cheek.

To be normal, good, or rational is queer.

Oh...

We've got intriguing clutches of folks with canes and crutches, And lonely wraiths and elderly voyeurs, And male and female flashers and flocks of aging mashers, And gorgeous broads in diamonds and furs.

Yes...

The Casablanca Cathouse is a MA-A-ARVELOUS place to live!

All others by comparison seem dead.

It has a reputation as a seedy sort of spot.

No one runs for Congress, and no one owns a yacht, But things are getting better since Poor Old Gus was shot, And the helicopter's always overhead!

There was a long pause, Courtney pressed a button, and he and Amber looked expectantly at their guest. "It'll never play Broadway," Qwilleran said, "but you might do a season on the Casablanca roof." "The plot," the author explained, "is based on the Bessinger murder." Qwilleran was staring into space. He cupped a hand around his moustache. He jumped to his feet. "I've got to get upstairs! Excuse me," he blurted, heading for the door. "Great evening! Great dinnerl" He was out in the hall when he finished his explanation, and he ran upstairs to Fourteen. A tremor on his upper lip warned him of trouble.

As he unlocked the door to 14-A, he heard water running and splashing. He dashed down the bedroom hall, flipping wall switches as he went. When he reached the master bedroom he found the floor wet. The Waterbed! he thought... No, the gushing and splashing came from the bath- room. He turned on the light. The floor was flooded! The washbowl was overflowing; the faucet was running full force; and there on the toilet tank sat Koko, surveying his achievement.

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