Lilian Jackson Braun - Cat 12 Who Knew A Cardinal

Hixie Rice said, "It has great publicity possibilities, with all those high school kids carrying spears."

Junior Goodwinter capitulated. "Count me in, so long as you lop off the last scene."

And so The Famous History of the Life of King Henry the Eighth went into production. Qwilleran was not further involved, although he knew that Carol and Fran were auditioning for Queen Katharine, and Larry and Dennis wanted to read for Cardinal Wolsey. Everyone assumed that Larry would get the choice role.

On the evening following the last audition, Qwilleran was going to a late dinner at the Old Stone Mill as the Lanspeaks were leaving. He intercepted them in the restaurant parking lot, saying to Larry, "I suppose I'm expected to kiss your ring."

"Oh, hell! I missed out on Wolsey," the actor said with a disappointed smirk. "Hilary wants me to play King Henry. Isn't that a bummer? I'll have to grow a beard if I don't want to use spirit gum. Scott should be doing Henry; he wouldn't need any padding."

Carol said, "Scott could never learn the lines. The only line he ever remembers is at the bottom of the page."

"So I suppose Dennis is doing Wolsey?" Qwilleran asked.

"NO!" Larry thundered in disgust. "Hilary's doing it himself! Of course, it's expedient, because he's done it before. He's also bringing a woman from Lockmaster to play Katharine. He directed her in the production down there a few years ago."

"When do rehearsals start? I might drop in some evening."

"Next Monday," Carol said. "Five nights a week, starting at six-thirty. We've always started at seven to give working people time to eat a decent meal, but Horseface has decreed six-thirty. He wants me as assistant director and understudy for Katharine. Since she lives sixty miles away, she'll come up only two nights a week, so I'll have to read her lines the rest of the time." She raised her eyebrows in a gesture of resignation. "I don't expect to enjoy it, but if I learn something, it won't be a total loss."

Qwilleran said, "I wanted to do a profile on VanBrook for my column, but he refused flatly. Wouldn't give a reason."

"Typical," said Larry with a shrug. "Where's Polly tonight?"

"Hosting a dinner meeting of the library board. What did you have to eat?"

"Red snapper - very good! And try the blue plum buckle - if they have any left. It's going fast."

The Lanspeaks went to their car, and Qwilleran entered the restaurant that had been converted from an old stone grist mill. The hostess seated him at his favorite table, and Derek Cuttlebrink filled his water glass and delivered the bread basket with a flourish. Although Derek was the busboy, his six-foot-seven stature and sociable manner caused new customers to mistake him for the owner.

"I'm playing five parts," he announced. "I get my name in the program five times - for Wolsey's servant, the court crier, the executioner, the mayor of London, and a messenger. I like the executioner best; I get to carry the axe and wear a hood."

"You're going to be a busy boy with all those costume changes," Qwilleran said.

"I figure I can wear the same pants and just change the coat and hat."

"In Shakespeare they're called breeches, Derek."

"I've been thinking it over," said the busboy. "I've decided I'd like to be an actor instead of a cop. It would be more fun. You stay up all night and sleep late."

The waitress appeared, and Derek drifted away to clear some tables. Qwilleran ordered the red snapper. "And save me a piece of plum buckle if you have any left."

During the following week the number of cars in the theatre parking lot every evening indicated that rehearsals were in full swing, and one evening Qwilleran slipped into the auditorium to observe, thinking he might pick up some material for a "Qwill Pen" column. It was six- thirty when he took an aisle seat at the rear. The entire cast was on hand, except for the woman from Lockmaster; it was her off-night. The director had not yet made an appearance.

At six forty-five Carol said, "No point in wasting valuable time. Let's go over the scenes that Hilary blocked last night. We'll skip the prologue and start with the first scene as far as the dirty- look episode. Let's have the Duke of Buckingham, the Duke of Norfolk, and Lord Abergavenny on stage. Norfolk enters first, stage left. The others, stage right."

Three actors, carrying scripts and looking far from aristocratic in their rehearsal clothes, made their entrance.

Carol called out from the third row, "Norfolk, take a longer, more deliberate stride. You're a duke!... That's better! And Abergav'ny, show respect for your father-in-law but don't hide behind him. Let's do that entrance again and take it from Good morrow and well met." As the scene progressed, Carol made notes and occasionally interrupted. "Norfolk, don't just look at the speaker, listen to what he's saying. It'll show in your face... And Abergavenny, keep your chin up... Buckingham, take a couple of steps downstage when you say O you go far."