Lilian Jackson Braun - Cat 15 Who Went Into the Closet

The first squealing, chattering trio to come up the front walk included a miniature Darth Vader, a pirate, and a bride in a wedding dress made from old curtains. They were carrying shopping bags. Before they could ring the bell, the front door opened slowly, and unnatural sounds emanated from the gloomy interior. "Ooooooooooh! Ooooooooooo!" Then there was a horrifying screech. As the pop-eyed youngsters stared, a shrouded skeleton emerged from the shadows, and a clawlike hand was extended, clutching an apple. The three screamed and scrambled down the steps.

Later groups were scared stiff but not stiff enough to run away without their treats, so the supply of apples diminished slightly. Many beggars avoided the house entirely. They trooped down the side drive, however, to the brightly lighted carriage house where Polly was distributing candy.

The last intrepid pair to brave the haunted house were a cowboy with large eyeglasses and a moustache glued on his upper lip, accompanied by a tiny ballerina with a white net tutu and sequined bra over her gray warmup suit. The cowboy pressed the doorbell, and Qwilleran pressed the button on the player: "Oooooooooh! Ooooooooooh!" The spooky wail was followed by a screech and a cackling laugh as a ghostly figure appeared.

"I know you!" said the cowboy. "You told us about those people burning up."

In a sepulchral drone Qwilleran said, "I... am the... scrofulous skeleton... of Skaneateles!"

The boy explained to his small companion, "He can talk so you don't know who he is. He's that man with the big moustache."

"What... do... you want?" the apparition intoned.

"Trick or treat!

The clawlike hand dropped apples into the outstretched sacks, and Timmie Wilmot turned to his sister. "Apples!" he said. "Cheapo!"

At seven-thirty Qwilleran was glad to turn off the blue light and shed his mask and sheet.

Soon Polly phoned. "Did you have many beggars?"

"Enough," he said. "I have some apples left over, in case you feel like making eight or nine pies. How about going out to dinner?"

"Thanks, but I couldn't possibly! I'm exhausted after running up and down stairs to answer the doorbell. Why don't you come to brunch tomorrow? Mushroom omelettes and cheese popovers."

"I'll be there! With apples. What time?"

"I suggest twelve noon, and don't forget to turn your clocks back. This is the end of Daylight Saving Time."

Before resetting his two watches, three clock radios, and digital coffeemaker, Qwilleran added several new acquisitions to the collection in the desk drawer: swizzle stick, stale cigar, brown shoelace, woman's black lace garter, handkerchief embroidered "Cynara," and box of corn plasters.

On Sunday morning it was back to Standard Time for the rest of the nation but not for Koko and Yum Yum, who pounced on Qwilleran's chest at seven A.M., demanding their eight o'clock breakfast. He shooed them from the bedroom and slammed the door, but they yowled and jiggled the doorknob until he fed them in self-defence. He himself subsisted on coffee and apples until it was time to walk back to the carriage house. He used his own key and was met at the top of the stairs by a husky Siamese who fixed him with a challenging eye.

"Back off!" Qwilleran said. "I was invited to brunch... Polly, this cat is much too heavy."

"I know, dear," she said regretfully, "but Bootsie always seems to be hungry. I don't know how Koko stays so svelte. When he stretches, he's a yard long."

"I suspect he has a few extra vertebrae. He walks around corners like a train going around a curve; the locomotive is heading east while the caboose is still traveling north... Do I smell coffee?"

"Help yourself, Qwill. I'm about to start the omelettes."

When he tasted the first succulent mouthful, he asked in awe, "How did you learn to make omelettes like these?"

"I prepared one every day for a month until I mastered the technique. That was several years ago, before we were all worried about cholesterol."

"I'm not worried about cholesterol," he retorted."I think it's a lot of bunk."

"Famous last words, dear."

He helped himself to another popover. "Junior's siblings are coming to town for the formalities, and I'm taking them to dinner. I hope you'll join us."

"By all means. I remember Pug when she used to come into the library for books on horses; she married a rancher. Jack went into advertising; he was always a very clever boy."

"Did you know that Mrs. Gage owned Lois's building?"

"Of course. The Gage family has had it for generations."

"Did you ever meet Euphonia's husband?"

"No, our paths never crossed."

"They say he and his wife didn't get along."

With a slight stiffening of the spine Polly said, "I'm not in a position to say, although they never appeared in public together."

"He and Lois seemed to hit it off pretty well."

"Qwill, dear, for someone who deplores gossip, you seem to be wallowing in it today."

"For purely vocational reasons," he explained. "I'm planning an in-depth profile of Euphonia."