Lone eagle

“I don't think anyone sees themselves as they really are. In your case, you have a lot to be proud of,” she said generously. It was odd sitting there with him. If anyone had told her a month before that would happen, she wouldn't have believed them, but she was enjoying his company, and they were friends again. There was great comfort in it. For both of them.

“There's a lot I'm not proud of, Kate,” he confessed, looking boyish again, and it touched her heart. There was a side of him she had always loved, and knew she always would, and another side of him she had very nearly hated, the side that had hurt her so badly when she left. “I'm not proud of the way I treated you,” he continued, and she was surprised to hear it. “I was rotten to you before you left. I was working you too hard, using you, I wasn't thinking about you, just about myself. But you scared the hell out of me. You loved me so damn much, and it made me feel so inadequate and so guilty. So trapped, I guess. I just wanted to run away and hide. You were right to leave, Kate. It damn near killed me when you did, but I don't blame you. That's why I never called, as much as I wanted to. You were right to go. There was nothing in it for you. I couldn't give you what you needed. I didn't understand how lucky I was. It took me a long time to calm down and figure that out.” And by then she'd been long gone.

“It's nice of you to say that,” she said generously, “but it never would have worked anyway. I realize that now.”

“Why not?” He frowned, nothing woke Joe up more than a challenge.

“Because this is what I wanted,” she said with a wave around the apartment and in the direction of the baby. “A husband, a baby, a regular life. You need a lot more than that in your life, you need power and success and excitement and airplanes, and you're willing to sacrifice everything for it, even people. I'm not. This is what I wanted.”

“We could have had this, and more, if you'd waited.”

“Not from what you said then.”

“It was the wrong time for me, Kate. I was starting a business. That was all I could think of.” It was true, but she knew that his aversion to marriage and kids and responsibility ran deeper than he was admitting. She had seen it. She knew him better than he knew himself. He had been too terrified to let her in.

“And now?” she asked skeptically. “Are you dying for a wife and a bunch of kids?” She smiled at him. “I don't think so. I think you were right, you'd hate it.” She was convinced of it now.

“It depends on who the wife is. But no, I'm not looking. I found the right woman a long time ago, and I was foolish enough to lose her.” It was a nice thing to say, but it made Kate uncomfortable. There was no point talking about that now, and she didn't want to. But he didn't want to let it drop yet. “I mean that, Kate. I was an incredible fool, and I want you to know that.”

“Oh, I knew it,” she laughed at him, “I just didn't think you did.” And then she grew more serious. “I appreciate knowing how you feel about it, Joe. Things happen the way they're meant to.”

“That's bullshit,” he said bluntly. “They happen a certain way because we screw things up, or we're scared, or we're stupid, or just plain blind sometimes. It takes a lot of brains and courage to do things right, Kate, and not everyone has that. Sometimes it takes time to figure it out, and then it's too late. But you have to fix it if you can. You can't just sit back and leave things screwed up, and say that was how they were meant to be. Only fools do that.” And they both knew he was no fool.

“You can't change some things,” she said quietly. She understood what he was saying, but she wasn't sure she liked it. There was no point rehashing the past.

“You didn't give me enough time,” he said, looking deep into her eyes that were the same color as his own. They were like mirrors of each other. They were so alike in some ways, and so diametrically different in others. And it was all so perfect when it worked.

“I waited two years, after I left you, to get married,” she said sternly. “You had all the opportunity in the world to change your mind and come get me. And you didn't.”

“I was mad. I was scared. I was busy. I hadn't figured it out yet. But I have now,” he said pointedly, and she felt her heart do a somersault when she saw the look in his eyes. He wanted what they had had before, but now it belonged to someone else. That was hard for Joe. He always wanted what he couldn't have. “Look, Kate, I get it. I have a great life, I've built a solid business, but none of it means as much to me without you.”

“Joe, don't let's talk about this. There's no point.”

“Yes, there is, Kate,” he said, looking at her. “I love you.” And before she could say another word, he kissed her, and then put his arms around her as they sat on the couch. She felt as though she were drifting into another world with him, floating through space, as her heart soared, and a moment later she fell to earth as she pulled away.

“Joe, you have to go.”