Long Hot Summoning

“Metaphysical, metamorphosis, metronome, The Metropolis Daily Planet!” Kris snorted. “The point is the ass kicking.”

His lip curled. “The point is that you are my prisoners, and I know a great many ways to make you scream.”

Remember the meaning of enough, Diana pleaded silently with Kris. If you push him too far… She’d only get one chance to use the wand and the last thing she wanted to do was weigh the life of one beautiful, funny, interested girl against the world.

And, for a change, it really was the last thing she wanted to do.

When neither Keeper nor elf responded, he nodded, turned, and the whole procession began moving again.

About five minutes of shoving later, Kris sighed. “I should’ve said it’d take more than an old white guy to make me scream. Wrong color. Wrong gender. Wrong wang.”

“Yeah, you always think of the good lines when it’s too late.”

“Truth.”

“Wang?”

“You know.” She pumped her hand at her crotch.

“Ah. Wang.”

By the time they reached the cavern, the wand had slid out from under her waistband and started down her right leg. It would have slid farther, but one of the points got caught on the leg elastic of her underwear. Diana half expected Hell to say, Is that a wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me, but the pit remained silent as they were marched toward it.

She’d only get one chance.

One.

As the meat-minds released them, the Shadowlord stepped back and wrapped long pale fingers around their upper arms, dragging them to the edge.

Diana could feel Hell watching her. She was going to need a diversion. Meanwhile, there was no point in cowering. “So…” Given the way the hair was raising off the back of her neck in reaction to Hell’s attention, bored was a bit more than she could manage but—thank God for being seventeen—insolent was no problem. “…what are you going to do with us?”

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

“Don’t tell me. Not the virgin sacrifice again.”

APPARENTLY NOT.

Hell sounded put out about her moral failings? “Oh, ha ha.”

THANK YOU. I’VE ALWAYS PRIDED MYSELF ON MY SENSE OF HUMOR.

“That explains a whole lot about Comedy Central.”

HEY, DON’T BLAME JON STEWART ON ME. I DON’T EVEN GET CABLE.

“Well, it’s Hell.”

AND YET YOUR LOT ALWAYS SEEM SO SURPRISED WHEN I TRY TO EXPAND MY HORIZONS.

“You’re trying to take over the world for cable?”

NOT JUST CABLE. YOU MAKE IT SOUND SO PETTY.

“Sorry.”

NO, YOU’RE NOT.

Diana sighed. “You’re right. I’m not sorry.” She tried to yank her arm free without success and sighed again. “Could we get on with it?”

IT?

“The part where you gloat about what you’re going to do to us.”

YOU’RE IN A HURRY?

“I just thought we should get it out of the way.” She leaned forward far enough to catch Kris’ eye around the Shadowlord’s black-clad body. “It’s in the Rules.”

“Gloating?”

“Yeah.”

“I always wondered. And the giant snow-cone machine?”

Diana grinned. She was so definitely in love. “That’s optional.”

YOU’RE BAIT!

That’s what she’d been half afraid of. But this was not the place to let fear show. “Sorry?”

YOUR SISTER WILL COME FOR YOU AND THE IMMORTAL KING WILL COME FOR HER. UNPREPARED TO FACE ME, THEY WILL BE DESTROYED.

There was her diversion.

While Hell’s attention was on the destruction of Arthur and Claire, she’d take her one shot with the wand and pour everything she had into closing the hole.

And it would take everything, too.

As plans went, it sucked—worst case scenario left the ground littered with bodies—but at least now she had a plan.

*   *   *

“I’m after having second thoughts about this plan. That is one pissed-off basilisk!”

Austin smacked at another bit of rolling canvas. “You’re surprised? You don’t go zipping mythological creatures into hockey bags and expect them to be pleased about it.” He dug his claws into the upholstery as Dean turned the truck into the guest house driveway. “Later, when we’ve got the time, remind me to tell you about what happened when Claire stuffed a pixie into her purse.”

“Messy?”

“In a manner of speaking.” The truck rocked forward and back, the jerky stop giving Austin some indication of the state of Dean’s mind. He didn’t really care about the state of Dean’s mind, but he had a pretty good idea of what was going on up there. “You’re wondering if you can go through with this.”

“Yeah.”

“You’re concerned because, sure she’s an evil, life-sucking mummy, but is that any reason to turn her to stone.”

“Yeah.”

“And you’re thinking that a life-sized statue of a reanimated corpse is not only going to destroy the ambiance of the guest house but will probably gouge the hell out of the hardwood floors when you try to move it.”

“I’m not thinking ambiance!”

Austin took a swipe at the immaculate white fur on his shoulder. “Too many syllables for you?”

“I’m thinking…”

As the pause extended, he looked up to see Dean clutching the sides of the steering wheel, his head bowed and resting against the top curve. “Stop.”

“Stop what?”