Love Saves the Day

Josh talks on the phone with lots of different humans, but the conversations all sound pretty similar. They begin with Josh saying how great it is to talk to the person again after so long. He asks how the other person is doing, how their kids and wives have been, and then I guess the person he’s talking to must ask how Josh is, because that’s when he says, Well, I don’t know if you’ve heard, but …

Josh sounds and looks genuinely happy at the beginnings of these conversations. But as the conversations go on, even though his voice sounds the same, his face starts to look different. He goes from having the look of a human who’s hoping for good news to the look of a human who’s still trying to sound happy even though what he’s hearing has made him feel just the opposite. By the time he gets to the part where he says things like, If you hear about anything … or, I’m thinking of taking on some consulting projects, so if you know anyone who’s looking to outsource … there’s no happiness left in his face.

Now Josh is talking to a type of human called a “headhunter.” This sounds like a strange thing to be, because why would somebody only hunt heads? Even if you could catch just a head, that’s the least-good part to eat!

The headhunter tells Josh that people are getting the ax all over town, which I guess explains how he’s finding so many heads. This sounds even worse than the humans who got gutted at Josh’s old job. I had no idea human jobs could be so violent. Then again, if so many people can’t do their jobs anymore because their heads are getting chopped off, you’d think that would make it easier, rather than harder, for Josh to find a new one.

But what the human on the other end of the phone line says to Josh is, “Even if I could find you something, the money wouldn’t be anything close to what you were making.”

“How much less are we talking about?” Josh asks.

“Half, maybe. If that.”

This is the first time I realize that human jobs all give people different amounts of money. I’d never really thought about it, but I just assumed that money was money, and any human who had a job got the same amount of money as any other human with a job. I guess it makes sense they’d be different, though. Jobs are what humans use to get food, like hunting is what cats use. And every cat knows that sometimes you catch a mouse that’s plump and juicy, and other times the mouse you catch is so small and stringy you’re hungry again almost right away.

“It’s possible,” Josh says slowly, “that I would consider something at a reduced salary. If the opportunity for growth was there.”

“The problem is that anybody in a hiring position will figure you’ll take the lower-paying job for now and then leave as soon as things pick up again. Which, let’s be honest, you probably would.” The headhunter pauses, and I hear a glug glug sound, like he’s drinking from a glass. “The world isn’t what it was when I first reached out to you two years ago, Josh. Frankly, there were never that many publishing jobs at your level to begin with. Your business is shrinking, and I don’t see it expanding again anytime soon. I wish I could give you more hope, but those are the facts.”

“I know it’s bad out there,” Josh says. “I guess I didn’t realize how bad.”

“You don’t know the half of it,” the headhunter says. “I talk to people every day who are out of work and whose husband or wife also lost their job. They’ve got kids in college and mortgage payments, and there’s no money coming in. Do you and Laura rent or own?”

“We rent,” Josh says.

“Well that’s good, at least. How’s Laura doing, by the way?”

“She’s great.” A smile flits across Josh’s face. “She’s been a rock, actually.”

“You’re a lucky man.” The headhunter lets out a noisy sigh. “I’ll keep my ears open. But, Josh …”

“Yes?”

“If I were you, I’d start thinking about how I could take my skills and experience and apply them in a different direction.”

I’m sleepy by the time Josh finishes talking to the headhunter, so I go to curl up in my favorite napping spot with Sarah’s dress in the back of my closet. It still smells like her, but I’ve noticed lately that the Sarah-smell is getting fainter. What will I do when her smell is completely gone? Sarah says that as long as you remember someone, they’ll always be with you. But I remember Sarah all the time, and she still hasn’t come back for me. What if that’s because I’m not remembering her enough? What if I can’t remember her at all anymore when I don’t have anything with her Sarah-smell on it?