Manhunt. Volume 2, Number 10, December, 1954

Thoughts of sex have never occupied my mind. I suppose subconsciously I knew men and women engaged in carnal acts after marriage, but it never actually occurred to me Mary and I would do such things after marriage. Not that I don’t know the facts of life. I simply hadn’t ever thought beyond the marriage ceremony.

I know it sounds ridiculous for a grown man to say such a thing, I now realize when I try to analyze my relationship with Mary, but I literally haven’t ever had a single sexual thought about her. I think my picture of married life must have been a vague notion that things would go on much as they had, with me taking Mary for rides, going to an occasional movie or dance, and occasionally indulging in a chaste kiss which was no more than a brief pressure of lips against lips.

I know now I can never marry her. The thought of actually sleeping in the same bed with a woman is revolting to me.

In the eyes of God sinning in your mind is as evil as actual sin.

Thursday night: It is part of my duty to God to remain free to perform His service. The history of Christianity is bloody with martyrs who have died because of bigotry and misunderstanding. I know Society wouldn’t understand or believe I’m a real emissary of God, and therefore it’s part of my duty to prevent Society from finding out my function.

I planned Mary’s execution for her sins accordingly.

After lunch today I told Mary my mother wanted me home to run some errands, so I wouldn’t be able to wait for her to get out of her chem lab as I usually do on Thursdays. Then I drove home, put the car in the garage and entered the house by the back door.

Mother was surprised to see me so early.

“I’ve got to study this afternoon,” I explained. “I’ll be in my room till supper, and I’d rather not be disturbed.”

“Of course, dear,” she said. “I won’t call you until supper’s on the table.”

Mary’s lab lasted two hours, from one until three. I waited one hour, then quietly left my room by the window. There is a tall hedge between our house and the one next door, so I was able to make the garage without being seen.

Fortunately the alley slants a little toward the street. Releasing the emergency brake, I pushed the car out into the alley, quietly closed the garage doors and then let the car roll to the street a quarter block away before starting the motor.

I timed my arrival at school for five after three. As I expected, I caught Mary walking alone on the street running alongside the campus when she was about halfway between the Science Building and the bus stop. Only one or two other students were in sight, for there are no lectures on the campus in the afternoon, only lab sessions, and not very many students take laboratory courses. I saw no one I knew, and no one paid any attention to the attractive coed getting into the car which pulled up alongside of her.

“This is a happy surprise,” Mary said.

“I finished my chores early,” I explained easily.

I swung through the park as usual, but then instead of turning left toward our homes, I turned right.

“Where we going?” Mary asked.

“I feel like a ride,” I said. “It’s only a little after three.”

“All right,” she said agreeably.

When we reached the ancient and rutted road leading to the stone quarry, Mary seemed surprised that I turned down it.

“The Old Ox Road,” she said. “I haven’t been here since high school. Don’t tell me my sedate lover wants to park and neck.”

If I had been tempted not to carry out my purpose, her remark would have steadied me. More and more recently Mary’s thoughts and conversation have hinged around disgusting physical relations between us.

I said noncommittally, “I just want to show you something.”

I parked right at the entrance to the quarry. Mary seemed puzzled when I got out, but she got out too and we walked hand-in-hand over to the deep pool in the quarry’s center.

“I’ve heard this is over a hundred feet deep,” she said, peering down into the clear but seemingly bottomless depth.

I took out my gun.

“Where’d you get that?” Mary asked, her eyes widening.

“Bought it,” I said. “Do you believe in God, Mary?”

“Of course,” she said. She was looking at me curiously, not afraid, or even uneasy, but thoroughly puzzled.

“Then I want you to pray,” I said.

“What are you talking about?” she demanded.

“I want you to pray God forgiveness for your sins. Now. You have about three seconds.”

Her eyes grew as big as saucers, but she still seemed to think it was some kind of joke. With her mouth shaped into a small O, she simply stared at me in astonishment. Even what she must have seen in my eyes failed to make her believe I was going to kill her.

She was still looking astonished but unafraid when I fired five shots into her chest at a distance of two feet.

It may be years before they find her weighted body on the bottom of that pool. If they ever find it.