Mia Goes Fourth

Please. I can handle a bunch of movie executives on my own, thanks. God, how can they keep

stuffing this infantile swill down our throats,year after year. Don't they think we know by now that tobacco kills? Hey, did you get all your homework done, or were you up all night instant messaging

my brother instead?

Both.

You two are so cute, it makes me want to puke. Almost as cute as Mr Wheeton and Mademoiselle Klein.

Shut up.

God, this is boring. Want to make another list?

OK, you start.

Lilly Moscovitz's Guide to What's Hot and What's Not on TV

(with commentary by Mia Thermopolis):

Seventh Heaven

Lilly: A complex look at one family's struggles to maintain Christian mores in an ever-evolving, modern-day society. Fairly well acted and occasionally moving, this show can turn 'preachy', but does depict the problems facing normal families with surprising realism, and only occasionally sinks to the banal.

Mia: Even though the dad is a minister and everyone has to learn a lesson at the end of every episode, this show is pretty good. High point When the Olsen twins guest-starred. Low point When the show's cosmetician gave the youngest girl straight hair.

Popstars

Lilly: A ridiculous attempt to pander to the lowest common denominator, this show puts its young stars through

a humiliatingly public 'audition', then zeroes in as the losers cry and winners gloat.

Mia: They take a bunch of attractive people who can sing and dance and make them audition for a place in a pop group, and

some of them get it and some of them don't, and the ones who do are instant celebrities who then crack up, all the while

wearing interesting and generally navel-baring outfits. How could this show be bad?

Sabrina the Teenage Witch

Lilly: Though based on comic-book characters, this show is surprisingly affable, and even occasionally amusing. Although, sadly, actual Wiccan practices are not described. The show could benefit from some research into the age-old religion that has, through the centuries, empowered millions, primarily females. The talking cat is a bit suspect: I have not read any believable documentation that would support the possibility of transfiguration.

Mia: Totally awesome during the high school/Harvey years. Goodbye Harvey - goodbye show.

Baywatch

Lilly: Puerile garbage.

Mia: Most excellent show of all time. Everyone is good-looking; you can fully follow every plotline, even while instant messaging;