Microserfs

"Well, Windows is nonintuitive . . . counterintuitive, sometimes. But it's so MALE to just go buy a Windows PC system and waste a bunch of time learning bogus commands and reading a thousand dialog boxes every time you want to change a point size or whatever . . . MEN are just used to sitting there, taking orders, executing needless commands, and feeling like they got such a good deal because they saved $200. WOMEN crave efficiency, elegance . . . the Mac lets them move within their digital universe exactly as they'd like, without cluttering up their human memory banks. I think the reason why so many women used to feel like they didn't "understand computers" was because PCs are so brain-dead . . . the Macintosh is responsible for upping not only the earning potential of women but also the feeling of mastering technology, which they get told is impossible for them. I was always told that."

* * *

Remember at the very end of Soylent Green where Charlton Heston screams, "Soylent Green is people!!!!"? Well, I had that same sort of feeling today when Anatole began telling us about working life down at Apple . . . "Apple is Microsoft!!!" He told us that the moods on the two "campuses" are almost exactly the same, and that the two corporate cultures, although they purport to be the opposite of each other, are actually about as different as Tide and Oxydol.

Anatole was hanging around all day today and on the drywall he made this big list of similarities and differences between Apple and Microsoft. Herewith:

Microsoft

waiting for stock to vest

Apple

trying to get laid off

Microsoft

"the Campus"

Apple

"the Campus"

Microsoft

make money

Apple

"1.0" sensibility

Microsoft

Microsoft Way

Apple

Infinite Loop

Microsoft

Bill

Apple

(no longer any equivalent)

Microsoft

Apple envy

Apple

Microsoft envy

Microsoft

boring buildings/good art

Apple

good buildings/art a sideline only

Microsoft

better cafeterias

Apple

better nerd toys

Microsoft

soccer field

Apple

sculpture garden

Microsoft

I-520

Apple

I-280

Microsoft

Intel

Apple

Motorola

Microsoft

average age: 31.2

Apple

average age: 31.9

Microsoft

gray Lexus

Apple

white Ford Explorer

Microsoft

not wild at creating new things but good on follow-through

Apple

good at creating new things but not wild on follow-through

Microsoft

no one ever gets fired

Apple

no one ever got fired. . . until the layoffs started

Microsoft

wacky titles on business cards

Apple

wacky titles on business cards

Microsoft

eerie, Lagan's Run-like atmosphere

Apple

eerie, Logan 's Run-like atmosphere

Microsoft

uneasy IBM symbiosis

Apple

uneasy IBM fusion

Microsoft

13,200 employees

Apple

14,500 employees

Microsoft

people hired in 1991-92 being shuffled around

Apple

people hired from colleges in 1988-89 being turfed

Microsoft

stock set to split

Apple

stock price at cash liquidation value of company; now's the time to buy!

* * *

Still no tour of the Apple facilities, I note.

* * *

Today was one of those days where it was warm if you were standing in the sunlight, but the moment you left it, you froze.

* * *

I saw doves and I thought they were rocks, but they were asleep. My breath made them stir, and the rocks took flight, the earth exploding . . . and my only thought was that I wanted you to see them, too

The man from Whirlpool came to fix the washer today, and he found Black Widow spiders nesting underneath its broken engine, and he showed me the web, and I found myself thinking of catching you, biting you, spinning you within my limbs and setting you free

Don't tell me this isn't true.

Tell me you feel this fire.

Oxydol

Revell

makeover

throw cushion

binder paper

lipstick

WEDNESDAY

Down at the library, Mom made up a list of "deer-proof" plants for Ethan. She got it from Sunset's Western Garden Book. Mom loves Ethan. He's a go-getter.

* * *

During lunch, as Ethan, Todd, and I drove in Karla's Carp through the Carl's Jr. drive-thru, Ethan gave us an inspirational chat. "Guys, the last thing we want," he said, "is to seem to be hurting for money. Venture capitalists like to see stability first. Only then will they come in with cash."

Todd expressed some disappointment that Oop! was, in fact, quite desperate for money, in spite of Michael's and Susan's infusions.

He replied, "Todd: fate hands you opportunities for a while, and if you don't take them, Fate says to itself, 'Oh I see - this person doesn't like opportunities,' and stops giving them to you."

I notice that I had to pay for the Western Burgers and fries and diet Cokes.

"Think of money this way," he went on, "take an initial sum and teach it to multiply itself, the way you copy-and-paste text to multiply it. Never think of money in terms of numbers. Only think of money in terms of other things. For example: two weeks of bug-checking equals a Y-class ticket to Boston. That sort of thing. If you think of money simply as numbers then you're doomed."

Ethan then fed a used Band-Aid from his index finger to a seagull squatted on a landscaped berm beside the road, and Todd and I lost our appetites. We gave Ethan our meals and dropped him off at his dermatologist's office.

* * *