Molly and the Cat Cafe

I was woken by a loud rumbling noise that made my whole body shake. My first thought was of the removal lorry, and for a confused few seconds I wondered whether I was about to be moved again. Then I realized that the sound was coming from the television. I looked across and noticed Rob sprawled across the sofa, a remote control in one hand and a large bowl of crisps in the other. He was shovelling crisps into his mouth by the handful, washing them down with sips from a can, which he placed on the arm of the sofa. He was completely absorbed in watching cars racing around a track on the screen, and every now and then he emitted a yelp of excitement or annoyance. Quizzically I observed him, wondering what he found enthralling about such a monotonous, noisy form of entertainment. His trance-like state was broken only when he opened his mouth to belch loudly.

I averted my eyes in disgust and began to wash.

It was not possible to imagine an owner more different from Margery. Everything about Margery had been gentle, careful and quiet. Rob was uncouth, noisy and messy. I thought longingly of the afternoons spent curled up on Margery’s sofa watching television programmes about antiques, or gentle quiz shows. Try as I might, I could not envisage a time when I would be curled up on Rob’s lap, happily watching his ear-splitting racing cars.

And then, of course, there were the dogs.

As I had been washing, one of the small rat-like dogs had wandered into the room and, noticing movement on top of the bookcase, had started to bark demonically at me. Soon rat-dog number two had run in to see what all the fuss was about, followed by the muscular square-faced dog. It didn’t take long for them to spot me in my lofty hideout and soon they were all barking, their cacophonous racket drowning out the droning engines onscreen.

‘Oi, you three, that’s enough!’

Roused into action, Rob spun round, grappling for something to hurl at the dogs. He grabbed a magazine and flung it in their general direction, but as it flew through the air the magazine clipped the drink can balanced on the sofa’s arm. The can rocked from side to side before toppling over the side of the sofa, spraying its contents across the carpet and over the dogs. Rob roared an expletive as he dived over the side of the sofa to retrieve the can from the floor. Doing his best to siphon the still-fizzing contents into his mouth, he sat back down on the sofa, upending the bowl of crisps, which he had left in the middle of his seat.

I paused mid-wash and allowed a wry smile to spread across my lips.

Rob growled and made a cursory attempt to sweep the loose crisps from the sofa cushions back into the bowl, before storming out of the room to fetch a cloth. The dogs, sensing his anger, beat a hasty retreat into another room.

In the days that followed, I began, reluctantly, to adjust to life in Rob’s house. I studied the dogs’ behaviour, observing when they went for their walks and when they slept, and tailored my own sleeping pattern so that our waking hours coincided as little as possible. I learnt what triggered their rage: the little rat-like dogs went into a barking frenzy whenever the doorbell rang, whereas the big dog was driven to the point of apoplexy if anyone went near his food bowl while he was eating.

Stan, the square-faced dog, was without a doubt an intimidating beast, but thankfully he was not the cleverest of animals. If he saw me walking anywhere in the vicinity of his food bowl he would growl ominously, but he was easily confused by my feline agility, and my habit of leaping upwards and disappearing out of sight constantly left him baffled.

It was Chas and Dave, the little dogs, that I soon realized posed more of a problem for me. I had considered them a single entity, as they always did everything together. In actual fact, I couldn’t tell them apart. They egged each other on in their malice towards me. Their favourite sport was to chase me into a corner of the house from which it was impossible to escape, and then bark maniacally so that my hair stood on end and my tail had fluffed out to double its usual size. I would hiss and spit in retaliation, and we would remain in this three-way stand-off until a momentary lapse in the dogs’ concentration afforded me a split-second chance to dash to safety, streaking past them and up onto higher ground, from where I would eye them contemptuously.

Not surprisingly, I began to spend more time outside than I had ever done at Margery’s. Up until now I’d always considered myself more an indoor cat; I had generally felt nervous stepping outside the quiet safety of Margery’s house. But Rob’s house did not feel quiet or safe to me, so in desperation I began to take refuge in the garden.