Moscow Noir

She threw herself at him. He tried to catch her hand, but she dodged him and sunk the scissors deep into the skin just above his ear. He jumped back, spilling blood on the rug with a picture of a proud eagle on it. He tripped and bumped into the telephone. She waved her arm, the scissors snapped shut, and he was left with the receiver in his hand, its cord dangling uselessly. Okay then, he thought, and felt for the cell phone in his pocket. He took the scissors away from her and pushed her back into the bathroom. He called his friend, the owner of a private drug rehabilitation clinic, waking him up with the insistent ring.

She didn’t recognize him at first, but when he came to visit her the third or fourth time, she smiled. A crooked smile, as though her lip had been cut, like a two-way street. He wanted her even more.

They walked around the park on the grounds of the clinic, and she ate two or three berries from the festively ripe pound he had bought for her. She pressed her hand against the bark of a tree for a long time, carefully studying a ladybug. She traced circles and arrows in the sand with great concentration while his phone buzzed and he answered it.

It amazed him how slowly she did everything, how quietly her gaze and her bloodstream glided along. He slowed down too, dug at the bark of the tree, and found a mushroom. After he drove through the gate, leaving the clinic behind, he forced the arrow of the speedometer ahead sharply, to win back the minutes he had lost with her. This sharp change in rhythm shocked and disturbed him.

She asked him to bring her books, and not trusting his assistants, he went to the bookstore himself and bought her Pushkin and Dostoevsky, weighing the heavy volumes in his hand. He estimated how much a piece of gold that size would weigh, and how long it would take someone to read books that heavy. He even tried to read them. But reading was hard; life seemed to get out of sync, and lulls and pauses crept in, as though it had gotten soft and mushy, lost its elasticity. His own life, straight as an arrow, became entangled with his girlfriend’s, twisted and confused. During his visits to her he would suddenly find himself rehashing yesterday’s business meeting in his mind, searching for weaknesses in his performance.

And during important negotiations he would suddenly go quiet. Closing his eyes, he would see her face before him, and the brown knots on her thin arms. Two weeks later he realized he had an aching in his chest every day. Probably because of the changes in his blood pressure and pace of life.

He did something he had been planning to do for several years: he had an hourglass made for himself with real gold dust in it, and he put it on the desk in his office. He began to disengage from life more often. Suddenly interrupting a dictation or a dressing-down, he would turn the hourglass over, hanging on the steady flow of the dull yellow sand.

They pumped out half of her blood and filled her with many liters of somebody else’s. She didn’t know that it contained his blood too. She slept for a long time, lost in the drone of the blood of strangers rushing through her veins.

She tried to coax it along in her weak body: to tame it, combine it with her own, to learn to live with it. She prodded, nudged, pleaded, and persuaded. But some of the blood just didn’t want to fit in, the way the last fragment of an almost-finished puzzle can go alien and resistant. It was then that she would launch her body against a wall with all her might, or toss a water jug at the window, or throw herself at the feet of the janitor and start chewing the dirty mop. Her blood needed the comfort of a warm fix. Then she begged for the shot, which she was permitted at this stage in her treatment; only she had to wait, and the dose was smaller.