My blood approves

Adrenaline surged through my body, and my feet were happy to comply when I started running back to the car. Before I had even made it there, I heard the dog yelp, and my stomach dropped. My heart pounded erratically in my chest, and I wanted to throw up. I tried not to think about what was happening and just kept running. When I made it to the car, I fought the urge to just keep running and collapsed on the ground next to it. Jack had the keys, so I couldn’t get inside. I just sat on the pavement, gasping for breath.

When I saw Jack walking towards me, I felt instant relief, but also this intense sadness. I stood up and hurried towards him, but I stopped sharply before I met him. Part of me really wanted to hug him, but another part of me knew what he had done, and it scared the hell out of me. Irrational tears streamed down my cheeks, but I tried to ignore them.

“Jack, what did you do?” I asked plaintively, wiping at my eyes to erase the tears. “What’d you do with the dog?”

“Alice…” He closed his eyes, as if it would hurt him too much to watch me react. “I didn’t have any choice. You saw him. He was going to kill somebody!

What if you had been here by yourself or with Milo or a little kid?”

Everything he was saying was completely true. The dog had looked insane and probably rabid, and even before I left him, I knew that Jack was going to kill the dog. But it didn’t change anything. I’m one of those ridiculous people that sobs every time they play that ASPCA commercial. Hurting any animal for any reason would always reduce me to tears, especially when I had been some part of it. If I hadn’t been there, I know that Jack probably would’ve acted the same, but I still had to think that he’d done it to protect me. He had killed that dog for me.

“I don’t care!” I was crying harder now, and I wished I would just stop. It really seemed unfair to me that I would be angry with Jack for saving my life, but I couldn’t help it. He moved awkwardly, and I knew that he wanted to hug me, but he also knew that I would push him away if he tried.

“Alice,” Jack exhaled deeply, looking away from me. He wasn’t crying, but he had this agonized expression on his face, and he took a small step back from me. “Everything just got so much more complicated.”

“What are you talking about?” Finally, I was able to stop crying. I felt something shift, and a whole new fear ran through me. As upset as I had been over the dog, I hadn’t hated Jack, or even really been mad him. I was just upset because a dog had been killed, and I felt partially responsible.

“This!” Jack shook his head and walked past me. “Everything! This is so stupid. I am so stupid.”

“What are you talking about?” I ran after him, wondering what I had done that had been so terrible. I reached out for him, but he pulled his arm away before I even got close to it.

“I’m taking you home.” We had reached the car, but he stood outside of it, waiting for me to get in. I had stopped in front of it and refused to go any further.

“No!” I insisted. “Why?”

“Why?” He laughed, but it was humorless and sent nervous shivers all over me. Then he reeled on me, his face stone cold, and his voice harsher than I had ever imagined it could be. “I killed a dog — to save your life — and you look at me like I’m a monster!” He shook his head, then rubbed his temple, and I saw his hand was covered in blood. Somehow, I’d managed to forget that the dog had bitten him.

“Jack, I don’t think that you’re a monster,” I explained softly. “I just don’t like it when things die.”

“Nobody does, Alice,” Jack replied icily. He bit his lip and shook his head, then mumbled, “The damn thing was probably rabid. It was gonna die anyway.”

“I know that,” I swallowed hard. “I don’t know what I did that upset you so much, but I’m sorry. I never wanted to offend you or hurt you. And I don’t think its fair that you’re going to cut me out of your life because I cried over a dog.”

“It’s not because you cried.” He softened a little, but he still wouldn’t look at me. “It was the way you looked at me.”

“I’m sorry!” I insisted, and I knew that I would start crying again any minute. The thought of never seeing him again was completely unbearable. “I was in shock! The dog just charged at us and attacked you and then… I don’t know. I’m sorry. It was just because it was a dog. Remember when you beat up those people in the parking garage? I didn’t cry then.”

“No, you didn’t,” Jack agreed, and he finally seemed to be relenting. I took a step closer to him, eyeing up the ragged holes in his sweatshirt and the blood on his hand.

“We should go the hospital,” I suggested.

“Why?” Jack looked up at me, his eyes terrified. “Did he get you? I thought I blocked him-”

“No, I’m fine,” I cut him off, and he relaxed again. “I was talking about you. The dog bit you.”

“No, that’s fine.” He waved his arm absently and moved closer to the car, like he would escape into the car and away from my prying eyes. “It’s not a big deal.”