My blood approves

“Let me put it this way: You are a top priority for my family.” He had started playing “Lazy Eye” by the Silversun Pickups, and when I asked him what that meant, he completely ignored me.

I flopped back on the couch next to Matilda and stroked her long, white fur. Everything with Peter had exhausted me. My skin flushed with embarrassment at the thought of running into him. I had made a fool of myself, and he was in trouble with Ezra. But even with that, I still really wanted to see him. My very being wanted to be near him again, and it would be worth anything.

As I had predicted, Milo was completely enchanted with Mae. They seemed made for each other. She was all motherly love, and he was all motherless child. When they made their way back into the living room, Milo went back to playing video games with Jack. I curled up on the couch with Mae, resting my head on her lap, and let her play with my hair.

“I know you’re hurting now, but things will make sense, love,” Mae murmured, pushing my hair from my eyes. “Everything happens for a reason.”

The nights of barely sleeping had finally caught up with me, and the soothing comfort of Mae was too much. I drifted off to sleep, and it was filled with dreams of Peter. They were almost entirely X-rated, but they weren’t bad at all. In fact, they were probably the best dreams I’d ever had.

When I woke up, I felt good, but incredibly disoriented. The living room was dark, and I was completely alone, except for Matilda, who snored loudly on the floor next to me. I moved a little on the couch, preparing to start calling for Jack or Milo, but then I heard voices talking softly nearby. And then I heard my name, so I stopped moving and strained to hear.

“Well, we obviously can’t leave Alice alone with him anymore.” That was Jack, trying to protect me from Peter, and I knew there was a reason that I’d never doubted my safety when I was with him.

“No, I agree.” Ezra’s deep voice sounded like a lullaby when he kept it low. I imagined that it would be incredibly tranquil to have him sing me to sleep.

“But they’ll have to eventually.”

“But she’s not ready for it,” Jack grumbled. “He’s not ready for it.”

“You’re not ready for it,” Ezra countered. Ready for what? Me to die?

Nobody should be ready for that. Tell him, Jack!

“Maybe not,” Jack relented. “But he feels too conflicted for anything to work. He’s sending her mixed messages, and he’s just making everything harder on her than it needs to be. I mean, you saw her today.”

“It’s incredibly painful, rejecting it.” Ezra was calmly explaining to Jack, and I didn’t understand it at all. Rejecting what? Me? Killing me? What?! “And Peter’s showing a tremendous will just going against it, but eventually, he’ll give in. It’s impossible. Whatever pain he thinks he’s avoiding, this is far worse.”

“How do you know?” Jack asked him suspiciously. “You never rejected it.”

“I did at first,” Ezra said, then backtracked. “Well, not really. I just didn’t understand what it was at first, and I tried to ignore it, and that was brutal. And I saw Peter after what happened with Alice.”

“And?” Jack pressed Ezra when he didn’t say anything, and I was forever indebted to him. I was dying to know what Peter had been like after I left, but of course, I couldn’t ask.

“Its sheer torture denying it,” Ezra replied thickly.

“How much longer will this go on?” Jack asked quietly, and I couldn’t help but notice a hint of sadness in his voice.

“Not much longer.” Ezra breathed deeply. “We’ll just have to keep an eye on both of them.”

“Ezra!” Mae called from another room, sounding farther away than them.

“Come here! Milo’s beat me at chess twice already! You’ve got to try against him! He’s amazing!”

“I’ll be right there!” Ezra shouted back to her, then spoke quieter to Jack.

“You understand?”

“Yeah,” Jack said reluctantly.

I didn’t hear Ezra’s footfalls when he walked away, but that didn’t surprise me. I saw Jack’s silhouette appear in the doorway, and I quickly closed my eyes to pretend like I was sleeping. Matilda whimpered as he walked past her, and he patted her head before sitting on the couch next to me. As soon as I felt the couch moved, I stirred like I was just waking up.

“Did you sleep okay?” Jack asked.

“Yeah,” I nodded and moved so I was sitting on my knees facing him. My voice sounded thick, and it was because I was fighting off tears, but I hoped he would think it was just because I was tired.

“Hey are you okay?” Jack sounded sad and worried. My eyes were starting to adjust to the dark, and I could just map out the concerned expression on his face.

“Yeah, just tired.”

“I gathered that when you just passed out.” He was trying to keep his tone light, but he was struggling. What Ezra had told him had gotten to him too.

When he felt anxious and worried, I felt it even worse. It wouldn’t be much longer before I started to cry.

“You sound upset,” I commented.

“Nah, I’m fine,” Jack insisted, shaking his head in the darkness.