My blood approves

“You’ll have to be more specific. There’s a lot of things up in the air for you.” He didn’t mean anything by it and was merely pointing out facts, but it stung just the same. Nothing for me was set in stone, which should’ve been a relief, but I didn’t like having everything feel so uncertain and precarious.

“Exactly.” I took a deep breath and started in. “Am I just gonna live here forever? What happens when Peter gets back? He doesn’t want me around. How is that gonna work with me living here? Should I even live here with him? What if he keeps rejecting me? Am I supposed to just go back to my life? Are you planning on me someday being a vampire?”

“You can stay here as long as you want, regardless of how Peter feels. He has other places he can go if need be. You have made yourself an indispensable part of this family.” Ezra looked down at Mae, carefully choosing his words.

“Peter… No matter how any of us feels, there is a bond between you and Peter that is not easily broken. He might not be ready to accept it now, but he certainly doesn’t want you banished or any harm to come to you. For his sake, as well as our own, it is essential that you remain a part of our lives.” His russet eyes rested warmly on mine. “As such, yes, it would be in everyone’s best interest if you were to turn.”

Looking down at the floor, I exhaled deeply and tried futilely to slow the frantic beating of my heart. I knew they all could hear it, and Jack especially was susceptible to it. The thought of being a vampire, which had crossed my mind much more frequently than I had ever imagined it would, both excited and terrified me, but that was par for the course. Nearly everything about them was simultaneously exciting and terrifying, and I could never seem to reconcile the two.

“Alice, it’s really awesome,” Jack chimed in helpfully. “You’ve seen me.

I’m awesome.”

“Jack,” Mae scolded him.

“It’s not a decision you can take lightly,” Ezra went on, and Mae had gotten a particularly solemn expression. I didn’t fully understand it, especially based on how much she loved having me around and the fact that she made a room just for me before I even lived here. “This is something that changes everything about your life, and it’s irreversible. If you decide that this is what you want to do, you cannot go back. But if you decide not to turn, we won’t hold it against you.”

“It will make your life harder, though,” Jack interjected.

“Jack!” Mae snapped. “You can’t make this choice for her!”

“I’m not trying to!” Jack sighed dramatically and shook his head.

“Well, what are some of the things that I can expect? You know, if I do turn.” My voice was timid and shaky, and even my hands were trembling, so I linked them tightly together to keep it from being more visible.

“The thirst at first is a bit overwhelming, as Jack can probably still attest to,” Ezra gestured to Jack, who nodded heavily in agreement. “All your senses become much more heightened, and all your movements feel exaggerated.

Walking across the room, for example, takes half the effort it used to, so you’ll find yourself stumbling and misstepping until you get the bearings of how your body works. Your emotions are stronger, too. They’re all right at the surface, and you’re generally very volatile. You’re libido increases, and your general lust for everything. Anything that feels good you want constantly. Pain is also extreme, but its much more fleeting than it ever was in human form.”

“It’s almost like being a child again,” Jack elaborated. “Everything feels so new, and you’re clumsy. Anything can make you laugh or cry, and even though your brain is so much faster and you can understand things so much easier, everything is strangely confusing at first.”

“Your body has to acclimate to a whole new way of being. It’s not a simple process,” Ezra continued. “The hardest thing to deal with at first is the bloodlust. The hunger you feel now can’t even compare to what you’ll feel then.

We only need to eat about once a week, but in the beginning, you’ll think you need to eat every hour. It’s a hard thing to learn to control, but it is very manageable once you do.”

“So, you guys are always hungry?” I asked nervously.

“In a way,” Ezra admitted. “But it’s not that intense. If it was, you wouldn’t have survived this long.”

“Thanks,” I muttered and wondered how I could feel so safe in the house with them.

“It’s not meant to be a threat,” Ezra laughed warmly. “It’s just the way things are. For the most part, being a vampire is a wonderful, amazing gift with very little in the way of misery. But there are two things that are double-edged swords.

“The first is the blood,” Ezra went on. “Its life giving, and there aren’t words to explain how it makes you feel. The greatest drug or sex or anything doesn’t even compare to drinking blood. But when you can’t feed for any prolonged length of time, say several weeks, it is the most excruciatingly painful thing imaginable. You would kill anyone or do anything just for a drop of blood.