Nightside the Long Sun

“I’ve been thinking about it as we walked along. To tell the truth, it’s not easy to think about anything else. Before I spoke to—to that unfortunate Musk. Well, before I spoke to him, for example, I ought to have been thinking over everything that I wanted to say to him. But I wasn’t, or not very much. Mostly I was thinking about the Outsider; not so much what he had said to me as what it had been like to have him speaking to me at all, and how it had felt.”

“You did fine, Patera.” Auk had, to Silk’s surprise, laid a hand on his shoulder. “You did all right.”

“I don’t agree, though I won’t argue with you now. What I wanted to say was that there is really nothing strange at all about what I’m doing, or about your helping me to do it. Does the sun ever go out, Auk? Does it ever wink out as you or I might snuff out a lamp?”

“I don’t know, Patera. I never thought about it. Does it?”

Silk had not replied, continuing in silence down the muddy street, matching Auk stride for stride.

“I guess it don’t. You couldn’t see them skylands up there nightside, if it did.”

“So it is with the gods, Auk. They speak to us all the time, exactly as the sun shines all the time. When the dark cloud that we call the shade gets between us and the sun, we say it’s night, or nightside, a term I never heard until I came to Sun Street.”

“It don’t really mean night, Patera. Not exactly. It means … All right, look at it like this. There’s a day way of doing, see? That’s the regular way. And then there’s the other way, and nightside’s when you do this other way—when everything’s on the night side of the shade.”

“We’re on the night side of the shade for only half the day,” Silk had told him. “But we are on the night side of whatever it is that bars us from the gods almost constantly, throughout our whole lives. And we really shouldn’t be. We weren’t meant to be. I got that one small ray of sunshine, you see, and it shouldn’t be strange at all. It should be the most ordinary thing in the whorl.”

He had expected Auk to laugh, and was surprised and pleased when he did not.

* * *

They had rented donkeys from a man Auk knew, a big gray for Auk and a smaller black for Silk. “Because I’ll have to lead him back,” Auk had said. “We got to get that straight right now. He don’t stay with you.”

Silk had nodded.

“You’re going to get caught, like I told you, Patera. You’ll talk to Blood, maybe, like you want. But it’ll be after they get you. I don’t like it, but there it is. So you’re not going to need him to ride back on, and I’m not going to lose what I’m giving this donkey man to hold, which is double what he’d cost in the market.”

“I understand,” Silk had assured him.

Now, as they trotted along a narrow track that to him at least was largely invisible, with the toes of his only decent shoes intermittently intimidated by the stony soil, Auk’s words returned to trouble him. Tearing his eyes from the skylands, he called, “You warned me that Blood was going to catch me, back there in the city while you were renting these donkeys for us. What do you think he’ll do to me if he does?”

Auk twisted about to look at him, his face a pale blur in the shadow of the crowding trees. “I don’t know, Patera. But you’re not going to like it.”

“You may not know,” Silk said, “but you can guess much better than I can. You know Blood better than I do. You’ve been in his house, and I’m sure you must know several people who know him well. You’ve done business with him.”

“Tried to, Patera.”

“All right, tried to. Still you know what kind of man he is. Would he kill me, for breaking into his house? Or for threatening him? I fully intend to threaten his life if he won’t return our manteion to the Chapter, assuming that I get that far.”

“I hope not, Patera.”

Unbidden and unwanted, Musk’s features rose from Silk’s memory, perfect—yet corrupt, like the face of a devil. So softly that he was surprised that Auk heard it, Silk said, “I have been wondering whether I shouldn’t take my own life if I am caught. If I am, I say, although I hope not to be, and am determined not to be. It’s seriously wrong to take one’s own life, and yet—”

A chain or more ahead, Auk chuckled. “Kill yourself, Patera? Yeah, it could be a good idea. Keep it in mind, depending. You won’t tell Blood about me?”

“I’ve sworn,” Silk reminded him. “I would never break that oath.”

“Good.” Auk turned away again, his posture intent as his eyes sought to penetrate the shadows.

Clearly Auk had been less than impressed by his mention of suicide, and for a moment Silk resented it. But Auk was right. How could he serve any god if he set out determined to resign his task if it became too difficult? Auk had been correct to laugh; he was no better than a child, sallying forth with a wooden sword to conquor the whorl—something that he had in fact done not too many years ago.