Over My Dead Body

He was still jabbering away when the phone announced that the bellboy was in the ante-room.

I shooed Driscoll and Carla into Driscoll's room and had the bellboy sent in to me. He looked about right, maybe an inch taller than her, but not too skinny or too husky. He was grinning because he could see it was a good joke. I opened the parcel for him while he took his uniform off, and handed him a couple of dollars and told him:

"Put your clothes on and sit here. It's a nice view from the window. Maybe twenty minutes. A blue-eyed girl will come and tell you when to go. Return to the hotel and they'll give you another uniform to work in. That two bucks was just for your trouble. Here's a finiff if its effect will be to keep your trap entirely closed regarding the fun we're having. Okay?"

He said it was, and sounded believable. I gave him the five-spot, gathered up the uniform and cap and wrapping paper, and went to the other room, shutting him in.

Carla, on the edge of a chair, and the secretary, kneeling on the rug in front of her, were busy getting her shoes changed, while Driscoll, with his lips screwed up and his hands in his pockets, gazed down at the operation. Carla stood up and stamped, and said they were all right. I handed the uniform to her and said go ahead, but she would have to take off her clothes or it would look bunchy, and told Driscoll:

"Turn your back."

He blushed rosy. "I… I can go in there-"

"I forgot you're modest. Suit yourself. Back-turning will do me."

He went and looked through a window, and I, facing the same way, regarded him suspiciously. It was getting dark outdoors and the lights were on in the room, and under those circumstances a windowpane is a fairly good mirror. I admit I may have been doing him an injustice. I spread the wrapping paper out on his desk and, when the secretary handed me Carla's clothes, including coat and hat, made a bundle and got it tied up.

The secretary said, "Look, it's tight around under the arms."

I looked. "Naturally. What would you expect? I think it'll do. Walk to the door and back." Carla walked. I frowned. "The hips are bad. I mean they're good, but you understand me. Put the cap on… No, you'll have to stuff the hair under better than that. There by the left ear. That's it. I believe we'll make it. What do you think?"

The secretary said coldly, "I hope so. It's your idea."

Driscoll crabbed, "It's no good. I'd know her across the street."