Princess' Diaries

He’s not so cool if he makes you stay after school EVERY SINGLE SOLITARY DAY from 2:30 to 3:30 to practice the FOIL method when you could be hanging out with all your friends. He’s not so cool if he calls your mother in for a parent/teacher conference to talk about how you’re flunking Algebra, then ASKS HER OUT.

And he’s not so cool if he’s sticking his tongue in your mom’s mouth.

Not that I’ve actually seen them do this. They haven’t even been on their first date yet. And I don’t think my mom would let a guy put his tongue in her mouth on the first date.

At least, I hope not.

I saw Josh Richter stick his tongue in Lana Weinberger’s mouth last week. I had this totally close-up view of it, since they were leaning up against Josh’s locker, which is right next to mine. It kind of grossed me out.

Though I can’t say I’d mind if Josh Richter kissedme like that. The other day Lilly and I were at Bigelows picking up some alpha hydroxy for Lilly’s mom, and I noticed Josh waiting at the checkout counter. He saw me and he actually sort of smiled and said, "Hey."

He was buying Drakkar Noir, a men’s cologne. I got a free sample of it from the salesgirl. Now I can smell Josh whenever I want to, in the privacy of my own home.

Lilly says Josh’s synapses were probably misfiring that day, due to heatstroke or something. She said he probably thought I looked familiar but couldn’t place my face without the cement block walls of Albert Einstein High behind me. Why else, she asked, would the most popular senior in high school say hey to me, Mia Thermopolis, a lowly freshman?

But I know it wasn’t heatstroke. The truth is, when he’s away from Lana and all his jock friends, Josh is a totally different person. The kind of person who doesn’t care if a girl is flat-chested or wears size-ten shoes. The kind of person who can see beyond all that into the depths of a girl’s soul. I know because when I looked into his eyes that day at Bigelows, I saw the deeply sensitive person inside him, struggling to get out.

Lilly says I have an overactive imagination and a pathological need to invent drama in my life. She says the fact that I’m so upset about my mom and Mr. G is a classic example.

"If you’re that upset about it, justtell your mom," Lilly says. "Tellher you don’t want her going out with him. I don’t understand you, Mia. You’re always going around, lying about how you feel. Why don’t you just assert yourself for a change? Your feelings have worth, you know."