Rambling On: An Apprentice’s Guide to the Gift of the Gab

Then came summer, Mr Franc would lead his sheep to pasture on a fresh clearing in the pinewood, with a sack and a transistor radio, he would lie back on his sack, turn on the transistor and wallow in satisfaction at having put one over on Bombo the ram, his ewes being all wrapped in sacking, the sacks neatly stitched round their pelvic region, but Bombo the ram went for Mr Franc several times with such violence that once he had to sit on top of the bowser in the middle of the field, but the ram didn’t give up, he’d have killed him, and Mr Franc knew as much, so he kept calling for help until the ewes came and guided the by then starving Mr Franc back home themselves. There was another time when the ram Bombo attacked Mr Franc because of the chastity bikinis, and there was pine bark flying all over the place, and Mr Franc, although the pasture was only half an hour away, took three and a half hours to get back home, ducking and diving from one pine tree to the next… but Mr Franc laughed it off, because he believed it was the ram’s righteous reprisal for the contraceptive panties having served their purpose… though in three months’ time the sacks starting swelling suspiciously, splitting at the seams, and Mr Franc realised that the ram Bombo was doing better than ever even despite the ewes’ contraceptive bikinis…