Rapture

Jeff liked what she said, but something was wrong. It didn't quite ring true. Bonnie was clever, but she'd also been open and frank all the time he'd been with her. Now she was just saying whatever she thought would sound right to him.

"You wouldn't tell her," he said.

"Christ, no. Why would I do that? Imagine how it would hurt her. And even if I didn't care what she thought about you, I do care what she thinks about me."

That made sense. "The thing is," he said, "I did try to let Georgianne know how I felt about her, but it didn't seem to get through to her. Uh ... this was some time after your father's death, of course."

"Sure, well ..."

"And it's depressing, very depressing. Back in February, she more or less told me not to come for a visit. And I thought that if I didn't call for a while, it might ... she might ... well, nothing came of it. Nothing happened at all."

"I see."

"I guess I probably didn't do a very good job of making myself clear to her," he went on.

"Maybe you did," she told him.

"What do you mean?" he asked. Her remark threw him off stride for a moment, but then he understood. "You mean I did get through to her but she isn't interested in me?"

"No. I mean maybe she isn't interested in any man right now. Maybe it's still too soon for her. It hasn't even been a year since my father's murder, and my mother is not the kind of woman to start looking around for a replacement in a hurry."

Her tone was still maddeningly detached. Jeff felt he was losing ground, a foot a minute.

"Yeah, okay, that could certainly be true," he said. "But why did she cut me off? That wasn't necessary." He could barely conceal the bitterness he felt.

"Well, I know what you're saying," Bonnie replied calmly. "But you've got to remember that you stopped calling her, you broke the routine. More important, maybe she was afraid to let things go too far. The thought of your coming to visit at that time, maybe it scared her. Maybe she knew she wasn't ready to commit herself to anyone, and she didn't want you to get your hopes up and then be hurt. Telling you not to come last February might have been her way of protecting you, as much as herself."

"So what do you think I should do? Just leave her alone? Am I supposed to wait another month? Six months? A year? What do you think I should do? You know your mother, and now you know the situation."

"I don't know what to tell you, Jeff. I can't lie to you; I don't think she's ready for a serious relationship at this time. She's got a lot on her mind, with the sale of the house, the move to Boston, and all that. But it sure wouldn't hurt if you called her up again, just to say, Hi, how are you, what's new. That kind of thing."

Bonnie had to remind herself that she was talking like this to a man more than twice her age.

"Hi, how are you, what's new," Jeff echoed sullenly.

"How come you never made a play for her back when you were in school together?"

"I don't know, I don't know," he said, rubbing his forehead. "That was then and that's the way it happened. All I'm concerned about now is-now."

He was getting into a mood, and Bonnie knew she had to pull him out of it.

"Look, you know I'll do what I can for you, Jeff. On top of everything else, though, there is the problem of distance. You've got to admit it's not going to be easy to develop a relationship when you're in L.A. and she's in Boston. But let's try to-"

"You mean you don't think it's a bad idea?" he asked, looking up sharply.

"What?"

"Your mother and me. I mean, when she's ready for an involvement with another man. Would you think she'd be making a mistake if it was me?"

"No. Of course not." Bonnie tried to think of something more to say, but couldn't. "No."

"I think you should tell me the truth," Jeff said.

"About what? I have been-"

"There's something you're not telling me."

"What?"

"I want to know what Georgianne has said to you about me. What does she feel about me? You have to have a better idea than what you've told me so far, and I think it's only fair that you let me know. I'm sick of ... hanging like this."

Bonnie frowned. Clasping her arms around her knees, she rocked her body slightly while she began forming the words in her mind.

"Well, I guess she knew how you felt about her."

It was a vindication of sorts. Jeff hadn't completely failed; he had gotten through to Georgianne. But that only seemed to make matters worse. Georgianne had known, but she deliberately hadn't responded.

"But I don't think she knew how to handle it," Bonnie went on. "As I said, it's too soon, or-"

"What else? Come on, there's more to it."

Bonnie glanced sideways at Jeff. His face was a wreck; he was all torn up emotionally. She had never seen an adult like this. It was a little frightening, but also fascinating. She discovered that she felt he deserved it, somehow, and that she really didn't want to make it any easier for him.