Royal Assassin

"I see." I fastened the leaves to the line, dangling them like a body from a noose. Even their odor was bitter. Had I wondered, earlier, how Verity could be so unaware of what was right before him? Why had I never thought of this? How must it be for her, to dread what a rightfully married woman would long for? What Patience had longed for in vain?

"...seaweed, FitzChivalry?"

I started. "Beg pardon?"

"I said, when you have an afternoon free, would you gather seaweed for me? The black, crinkly sort? It has the most flavor this time of year."

"I will try," I replied absently. For how many years would Molly have to worry? How much bitterness must she swallow?

"What are you looking at?" Patience demanded.

"Nothing. Why?"

"Because I've asked you twice to get down so we can move the chair. We've all these other packets to hang, you know."

"Beg pardon. I didn't get much sleep last night; it's left me dull-witted today."

"I agree. You should start sleeping more at night." These words were uttered a bit heavily. "Now come down and move the chair so we can hang these mints."

I didn't eat much at dinner. Regal was alone on the high dais, looking sullen. His usual circle of fawners clustered at a table just below him. I did not understand why he chose to dine separately. Certainly, he had the rank to, but why choose this isolation? He summoned one of the more flattering of the minstrels he had recently imported to Buckkeep. Most of them were from Farrow. All of them affected the nasal intonations of that region and favored the long, chanting styles of epics. This one sang a long telling of some adventure of Regal's maternal grandfather. I listened as little as I was able; it seemed to have to do with riding a horse to death in order to be the one to shoot a great stag that had eluded a generation of hunters. It praised endlessly the greathearted horse who had gone to his death at his master's bidding. It said nothing of the master's stupidity in wasting such an animal to gain some tough meat and a rack of antlers.

"You look half-sick," Burrich observed as he paused beside me. I rose to leave table and walked through the hall with him.

"Too much on my mind. Too many directions to think in all at once. I sometimes feel that if I had time to focus my mind on just one problem, I could solve it. And then go on to solve the others."

"Every man believes that. It isn't so. Slay the ones you can as they come to hand, and after a while you get used to the ones you can do nothing about."

"Such as?"

He shrugged and gestured downward. "Such as having a game leg. Or being a bastard. We all get used to things we once swore we could never live with. But what's eating your liver this time?"

"Nothing I can tell you about just yet. Not here, anyway."

"Oh. More of those, huh." He shook his head. "I don't envy you, Fitz. Sometimes all a man needs is to growl about his problems to another man. They've denied you even that. But take heart. I have faith you can handle them even if you think you can't."

He clapped me on the shoulders, and then left in a blast of cold air from the outer doors. Verity was right. The winter storms were rising, if tonight's wind was any indicator. I was halfway up the stairs before I reflected that Burrich now spoke to me straight across. He finally believed I was a man grown. Well, maybe I would do better if I believed that about myself. I squared my shoulders and went up to my room.

I put more effort into dressing than I had in a long time. As I did I thought of Verity hastily changing his shirt for Kettricken. How had he ever managed to be so blind to her? And I to Molly? What other things did Molly do for our sake that I had never realized? My misery returned, stronger than ever. Tonight. Tonight after Shrewd was done with me. I could not let her continue her sacrifices. For now, I could do nothing save put it out of my mind. I pulled my hair back into the warrior's tail that I felt fully earned now, and tugged the front of my blue jerkin straight. It was a bit snug across the shoulders, but so was everything I owned lately. I left my room.