Ruins

Heron looked at the group, wondering who would be the best target. Calix was the obvious choice: she was capable, she was brave, and she could help Heron more than hinder her. She might put up a struggle at first, but she had the same fierce survivor’s instinct, and when all her other options were gone, she’d see the wisdom of their partnership. On the other hand, Samm seemed oddly attached to Calix, like she was a puppy, and if Heron chose her he might come after her, his stupid sense of loyalty overwhelming all his more logical priorities.

Marcus wasn’t an option either, for the same reason, this time thanks to Kira’s attachment, and Calix was attached to Phan. It’s like a web of dependent obsessions, she thought. They’d kill themselves, and maybe everyone else, just to save their friends. What good does it do? There are so many humans, all virtually identical. Why risk so much for one person?

Heron quickened her pace, pressing forward into the long column of humans, looking for one that no one would miss. “Where’s she going?” she heard Kira ask behind her, but Heron ignored them. She looked closely at each human as she passed them, assessing which ones might be best prepared for a journey out into the wilderness—who had food and water, who was dressed for the weather, who was armed and looked like they knew how to use their weapons. None of the beleaguered travelers inspired much confidence, but Heron supposed that was understandable. These were the last stragglers, the ones who hadn’t dared to leave East Meadow until the bomb had actually gone off, and Kira had dragged them from their homes with dire warnings of the end of the world. I might have to wait until we reach the others, she thought. Or simply take Calix and hope Samm’s smart enough not to chase me.

Someone was coming up behind her, and Heron put a hand on her sidearm, ready to pull if it turned out to be an enemy.

“I want to apologize,” said Kira.

Heron slowly lowered her hand and turned to glance at the girl keeping pace with her. “Apologize?”

“I was rude to you,” she said. “You came all this way, and risked your life to help me, and I treated you like . . . well, I’m sorry. You helped me, and I’m grateful.”

“I didn’t risk my life for you,” said Heron, looking forward again as they walked.

“For Samm, then,” said Kira. “The point is—”

“The point is that I didn’t risk my life,” said Heron. “I was always in control, and if I wasn’t, I wouldn’t have done it.”

“Why can’t you just accept the apology?” said Kira, and Heron could hear the tension in her voice.

“When have I ever made anything easy for you?” asked Heron.

“Why are you here?”

“I told you to pay better attention—”

“You want to kidnap a human,” said Kira. Heron didn’t respond, and Kira didn’t falter a step. “You came back for the cure, and now that you’re sure it’s in humans, you want to take one and save yourself. I have been paying attention, better than you think, and that’s the only thing that makes sense. All you’ve ever cared about is your own survival—you were helping Morgan because you thought she could save you, and then you helped me for a while because you thought I could. When I failed, you went straight back to Morgan, and now that she’s failed you were completely out of options—until I confirmed the cure.”

“I don’t think you understand me half as well as you think you do,” said Heron. She paused. “But a little better than I’d like you to, at least in this case.”

“Then you know—”

“Did you ever stop to consider,” said Heron, cutting her off, “that getting in my way is a bad idea?”

“I’m trying to save us all,” said Kira. “You know that. Even you, if you’ll let me, but I can’t let you hurt anyone else.”

“In the absolutely best-case scenario,” said Heron, “I kill you, grab one of these humans, and no one ever sees me again. That’s how things will play out if you keep trying to question me. Take it further—put up a fight, try to stop me, call for help—and I’ll end up causing a lot more death and destruction before I, yes, still get away. It’s not worth it. Go to Breezy Point, get on your little boat, and count the minutes until that army finally catches up and kills every last one of you. I will be safe, and whoever goes with me. It’s not worth it to try to stop me.”

Kira put a hand on Heron’s arm; Heron stiffened but didn’t pull away. Kira’s voice was softer than she expected. “Survival is important,” said Kira, “but not if you lose yourself in the process. Surviving just to survive is . . . empty. That’s not a life, it’s a feedback loop.”