Seed on the Wind

“Oh, it’s obvious.” He crossed one leg over the other and turned about on the log so as to face her more directly. “It shows in everything you do; but it’s easy to get along with, it’s so good-natured. It just happens never to have bothered me, because from the beginning I’ve had the good sense to know where your fences were. And I know my own limitations. There are various ways of getting things you want out of people. Look at Albert with the children for instance; they’d do anything for him just because he knows how to act with them and what to say to them. He makes a face at Julian, or a noise like a rooster, and Julian is his. I can’t make faces and noises. I’m perfectly helpless with children and women too. So I bring them things Albert can’t afford, and as a result they’re just as anxious to see me as they are him. The same with women. I’ve got to buy what I want, and it’s easy enough, as long as you don’t forget that you can only buy what is for sale. That’s why your contempt for men doesn’t bother me; I don’t get in its path. Aside from everything else, in a purely physical way you are the most exciting and desirable woman I’ve ever known. Everything about you is provocative and seductive, the full free lines of your body, the glance of your eyes, the way you walk, the positions you take when you lie on the grass, or dance, or sit and cross your legs, particularly your mouth with that look it has of always being just ready to open though it is forever closed... I like to observe those things, but I don’t make the mistake of supposing that they have any significance for me. I know I’ve bought everything you have for sale so far as I’m concerned. What I’ve been curious about sometimes is whether it’s for sale at all or not — to anyone, for any price. Impertinent, of course. That’s why I wondered about Albert. Beyond him, I still wonder...”

“You needn’t,” Lora said.

“That’s hard to believe, but I believe it.”

“It’s true.”

“But why—” He stopped, frowning, then suddenly smiled. “You’re probably making a mistake. You mustn’t let a prejudice get between you and the possibilities you possess. I’m not arguing for myself; I know I’m out of it.” The smile broadened. “I’m not arguing for Albert either; he’s out of it too, I can see that. I guess I’m not arguing for anything, for I’m by no means anxious to jeopardize my present privileges. They are very dear to me — my greatest delight. You know that.”

As sure as you’re born, Lora thought, the poor dear is making love to me. Probably he has wanted to for quite a while, and seeing Albert kiss me has brought it out. Well, why not? It would be a nuisance. How could we manage it anyhow, with the house full of children? He could stay and sleep on the divan downstairs, and come up to my room. Then he’d have to sneak out again; that sort of thing is a nuisance. What about right here, in the woods, on the leaves? No, not outdoors with him, in the daylight. In the house then, at night. Why not, if he really wants to so much?

She smiled, and murmured, “It might be possible to extend your privileges, if you think I’m making a mistake.”

He seemed a little startled. “Well — you mustn’t suppose — you mustn’t misunderstand me, you know.”

She smiled directly into his face and shook her head.

“I won’t misunderstand you.”

“We’ll see.” He stood up and shook himself and stamped his feet on the ground. “It’s getting chilly, hadn’t we better move? Shall we go into the woods, or start back?”

They decided they had better return, and headed down the hill. They were both stiff from sitting on the log, and jumped and ran to warm up. At that sort of thing Lewis was not precisely in his element; he came down hard, without bending his knees, jolting up and down, slipping and barely saving himself a dozen times. He did look ridiculous, Lora thought, but after all when a man is over fifty years old what can you expect. In another twenty years she might have a little trouble with that hill herself.