Side Effects May Vary

Pushing away my memories of Harvey, I shoved Eric’s shoulder back and straddled his lap. This wasn’t scary or complicated like being with Harvey. This didn’t have to mean so much. He took my face in his hands while I tugged the hat from his head. His fingers moved through my short hair and down my back, bringing me closer to him. I needed his body to be seamlessly connected to mine, to feel something physical, without the anchor of emotion. I tugged his jacket off his shoulders and broke the connection between our lips while my lips concentrated on his jaw and neck, nibbling and kissing. He moaned into my ear, and the sound alone just about broke me in half.

“The doorbell’s ringing,” he breathed.

“Ah, hang on,” I said. “Stay back here.” I zipped my hoodie all the way up to my neck.

Without thinking to check the peephole, I swung the door open to find a deliveryman jogging back to his truck and an overnight package addressed to my mom with the word CONFIDENTIAL stamped across the overstuffed manila envelope. Probably something for work.

I tossed the package on my mom’s desk in her office.

“Swank office.”

I turned to where Eric stood in the doorway. “I told you to stay in the living room.”

He shrugged.

“Come on,” I said, and tried to squeeze past him, but he didn’t let me. Eric picked up exactly where he’d left off, pressing my body against the door.

He lifted me off the ground and I draped my legs around his waist. Carrying me back to the couch, he stumbled backward a little and we crashed down on the cushions. Our limbs were a tangled mess, and our kisses didn’t feel quite as potent as they had before our interruption. But I was willing to work up to that. Coming up for air, I unzipped my hoodie completely and threw it somewhere behind me. Eric took in a sharp breath as he devoured the sight of me. I wasn’t wearing a T-shirt, just a plain yellow cotton bra. I felt uncomfortable, though, but made a conscious effort not to cover myself with my arms. Just because I felt uncomfortable didn’t mean I wanted to look like it.

The hunger in his eyes ignited my entire body.

Then the doorbell rang again. Eric sighed in frustration. A small piece of me—the piece that was smarter than the rest of me and knew that Eric was nothing more than a distraction—was a little relieved.

I jumped to get the door. With my hand on the knob, I realized I didn’t have a shirt on. I darted back toward the living room and collided with Eric’s chest. He threw his jacket around my shoulders and said, “I couldn’t find your sweatshirt.”

Behind me, there was a very distinct sound, the sound of a key turning a lock. My stomach clenched and I felt queasy. Only two people rang the doorbell before entering with a key. The first person was Natalie, and the second person was Harvey. And I knew without a doubt that Natalie was not on the other side of that door.

“Fuck!” I whispered. “Shit, damn.” I turned to Eric. “Hide. Now.”

He looked confused, but obeyed, jogging toward the kitchen.

“Alice?” called Harvey. “Oh, there you are,” he said as his gaze swept to the side of the entryway where I was standing. “Listen, can we talk about last night? I feel kind of bad. We don’t have to talk about . . . well, you know, but I figured I could at least make sure we were okay. Like, friends. I wish—”

He stopped, like his eyes had caught up with his mouth, and he finally noticed me standing there, my hands limp at my sides, in my bra, and with a jacket (that so obviously didn’t belong to me) draped over my shoulders. Something clicked for him and he looked at me with flared nostrils before walking into the alcove off the entryway. He pulled down one of the blinds and saw the old Range Rover in the driveway. He had only seen Eric’s car a couple of times at school, but I knew he recognized it.

It took another second before it all added up for him and he became the most furious version of himself I’d ever seen. “Seriously, Alice? You’re kidding me, right?” His voice made the entire house quake as he stormed back to me.

I owe him nothing, I told myself. I slid my arms through Eric’s coat, wrapping it tightly around my rib cage.

“What are you thinking in that head of yours?” he asked, moving toward me.

I wanted to push him away, because the closer he got the more sharply his disappointment came into focus. But soon he would stop trying, and he would realize that I wasn’t worth the heartache, and he’d move on to some other girl. I was both ready for and terrified by the inevitability of that moment.

“I can’t do this anymore, Alice, this isn’t fair. You know that. Don’t pretend you’re blind to it. I need you to choose.”

It was that feeling again, of being backed into a corner. I stayed silent for far too long, but Harvey waited. And he waited for nothing.

After minutes of thick quiet, he said, “No more, Alice. Good-bye.” Then he walked out the door.