Singapore Noir

Eddie could still hear her in the shower as he left the dining table and walked into her room. She had such simple tastes, a tiny bed with a tattered mosquito net draped over it, a small side table where she always set down the romance novel she was reading, her prayer books neatly stacked on a narrow bookshelf on the other side of the room. He wandered over and ran his hand across the prayer books. His poor God-fearing mother. What would this rape do to her? Would she be able to handle life now that she had been desecrated?

He saw the bathroom door open and fled. He did not want her to see his tears. He could not help but cry. After all, what could he do to help her?

His head began to pound. Voices that he had ignored for so long began to get louder, stronger; first begging and then demanding that he listen to them. They owned him and he could no longer ignore them.

You are the man of the house, Eddie. You have to help her. Find out what happened.

How can you leave her in there alone?

You are a coward, you cannot do anything. You should have died in the womb.

Yes, Eddie you are a loser.

He left the house and ran across two wide streets, down the passage beneath the highway, and emerged on the beach clutching at his head and screaming, “Stop it, stop it, go away, go away, I don’t hear you, go away, go away!”

As he sat on the dark beach throwing rocks into the water, gentle cold waves washed his feet, calming him down. The emptiness of the beach reminded him of his mother’s life. She had nothing except him and her honor. Tonight she had lost the more important of the two. He could never restore that.

As the sun came up, he decided to go home. Ma was sound asleep.

Sleeping?! How can your ma sleep, Eddie? Has she no shame? She should be praying to God and asking for help. She should be cleaning herself. How can she sleep at a time like this?

What woman sleeps after being raped? Why hasn’t she called the cops?

Maybe she liked it, eh, Eddie? Maybe your ma misses having a man around.

“No, no, no!” He covered his mouth and then his ears as the voices began to take over.

The next morning, he tried to talk to her: “Who was he? What happened? Were you attacked? Is it someone we know?”

She would not answer.

Her purity had been lost and she seemed not to care.

She has become a slut. She liked it with the strange man. Or men. Why else won’t she tell you what happened? You don’t know her anymore, Eddie. She was with a man — a man, Eddie, who was not your father. She was with a stranger.

No, no, Eddie, she was possibly raped. You need to take care of her.

Yes, Eddie, you need to take care of her. She needs to be cleansed of all the filth, the sins.

He had too much on his mind to go to his ridiculous special school so he wandered off to the arcade in Parkway Parade. He needed to think and school was not the place to be. Fortunately, the voices left him alone at the arcade.

Around noon, he decided to head home. His mother was usually at work at this time, but this day was different, he knew she would be home.

He saw her back first; she appeared to be on the phone. She turned toward the door, but did not seem to notice him. She was staring at the ceiling and talking very quickly.

“I can’t believe this happened...” she was saying.

He stopped. Perhaps now he would hear what had occurred. She would reveal the name of the bastard to her friend, he thought. This would be good, he needed to know and he would find out right now. She began to cry and her words got muffled. He could barely make out what she was saying, and he stared hard at her lips.

“We were walking through the park...” She was clearly getting more and more agitated. “It was so quiet and no one was around. He turned and kissed me and then... and then he pulled at my blouse... in the dirt right here in the park. I can’t believe it happened. I think I’m—” She stopped mid-sentence when she saw him and quickly hung up the phone. “Would you like something to eat?”