Soul Music

SO, said Death, when Albert had shuffled away, I HAVE GONE MISSING. AND YOU BELIEVE YOU HAVE INHERITED THE FAMILY BUSINESS. YOU?

"I didn't want to! The horse and the rat just turned up!"

RAT?

"Er… I think that's something that's going to happen."

OH, YES. I REMEMBER. HMM. A HUMAN DOING MY JOB? TECHNICALLY POSSIBLE, OF COURSE, BUT WHY?

"I think Albert knows something, but he changes the subject."

Albert reappeared, carrying another cup and saucer. He plonked it down pointedly on Death's desk, with the air of one who is being put upon.

"That'll be all, will it, Master?" he said.

THANK YOU, ALBERT. YES.

Albert left again, more slowly than normal. He kept looking over his shoulder.

"He doesn't change, does he?" said Susan. "Of course, that's the point about this place—"

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT CATS?

"Sorry?"

CATS. DO YOU LIKE 'EM?

"They're…" Susan hesitated, "all right. But a cat's just a cat."

CHOCOLATE, said Death. DO YOU LIKE CHOCOLATE?

"I think it's possible to have too much," said Susan.

YOU CERTAINLY DON'T TAKE AFTER YSABELL.

Susan nodded. Her mother's favourite dish had been Genocide by Chocolate.

AND YOUR MEMORY? YOU HAVE A GOOD MEMORY?

"Oh, yes. I… remember things. About how to be Death. About how it's all supposed to work. Look, just then you said you remembered about the rat, and it hasn't even happ—"

Death stood up and strode across to the model of the Discworld.

MORPHIC RESONANCE, he said, not looking at Susan. DAMN. PEOPLE DON'T BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND IT. SOUL HARMONICS. IT'S RESPONSIBLE FOR SO MANY THINGS.

Susan pulled out Imp's lifetimer. Blue smoke was still pouring through the pinch.

"Can you help me with this?" she said.

Death spun around.

I SHOULD NEVER HAVE ADOPTED YOUR MOTHER.

"Why did you?"

Death shrugged.

WHAT'S THAT YOU'VE GOT THERE?

He took Buddy's lifetimer from her and held it up.

AH. INTERESTING.

"Do you know what it means, Grandad?"

I'VE NOT COME ACROSS IT BEFORE, BUT I SUPPOSE IT'S POSSIBLE. IN CERTAIN CIRCUMSTANCES. IT MEANS… SOMEHOW… THAT HE HAS RHYTHM IN HIS SOUL… GRANDAD?

"Oh, no. That can't be right. That's just a figure of speech. And what's wrong with grandad?"

GRANDFATHER I CAN LIVE WITH. GRANDAD? ONE STEP AWAY FROM GRAMPS, IN MY OPINION. ANYWAY, I THOUGHT YOU BELIEVED IN LOGIC. CALLINGSOMETHINGA FIGURE OF SPEECH DOESN'T MEAN IT'S NOT TRUE.

Death waved the hourglass vaguely.

FOR EXAMPLE, he said, MANY THINGS ARE BETTER THAN A POKE IN THE EYE WITH A BLUNT STICK. I'VE NEVER UNDERSTOOD THE PHRASE. SURELY A SHARP STICK WOULD BE EVEN WORSE–

Death stopped.

I'M DOING IT AGAIN! WHY SHOULD I CARE WHAT THE WRETCHED PHRASE MEANS? OR WHAT YOU CALL ME? UNIMPORTANT! GETTING ENTANGLED WITH HUMANS CLOUDS THE THINKING. TAKE IT FROM ME. DON'T GET INVOLVED.

"But I am a human."

I DIDN'T SAY IT WAS GOING TO BE EASY, DID I? DON'T THINK ABOUT IT. DON'T FEEL.

"You're an expert, are you?" said Susan hotly.

I MAY HAVE ALLOWEDMYSELFSOME FLICKER OF EMOTION IN THE RECENT PAST, said Death, BUT I CAN GIVE IT UP ANY TIME I LIKE.

He held up the hourglass again.

IT'S AN INTERESTING FACT THAT MUSIC, BEING OF ITS NATURE IMMORTAL, CAN SOMETIMES PROLONG THE LIFE OF THOSE INTIMATELY ASSOCIATED WITH IT, he said. I'VE NOTICED THAT FAMOUS COMPOSERS IN PARTICULAR HANG ON FOR A LONG TIME. DEAF AS POSTS, MOST OF THEM, WHEN I COME CALLING. I EXPECT SOME GOD SOMEWHERE FINDS THAT VERY AMUSING. Death contrived to look disdainful.

IT'S THEIR KIND OF JOKE.

He set the glass down and twanged it with a bony digit.

It went whauuummmmeeee‑chida‑chida‑chida.

HE HAS NO LIFE. HE HAS MUSIC.

"Music's taken him over?"

YOU COULD PUT IT LIKE THAT.

"Making his life longer?"

LIFE IS EXTENSIBLE. IT HAPPENS OCCASIONALLYAMONG HUMANS. NOT OFTEN. USUALLYTRAGICALLY, IN A THEATRICAL KIND OF WAY. BUT THIS ISN'T ANOTHER HUMAN. THIS IS MUSIC.

"He played something, on some sort of stringed instrument like a guitar—"

Death turned.

INDEED? WELL, WELL, WELL…

"Is that important?"

IT IS… INTERESTING.

"Is it something I should know?"

IT IS NOTHING IMPORTANT. A PIECE OF MYTHOLOGICAL DEBRIS. MATTERS WILL RESOLVE THEMSELVES, YOU MAY DEPEND UPON IT.

"What do you mean, resolve themselves?"

HE WILL PROBABLY BE DEAD IN A MATTER OF DAYS.

Susan stared at the lifetimer.

"But that's dreadful!"

ARE YOU ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED WITH THE YOUNG MAN?

"What? No! I've only ever seen him once!"

YOUR EYES DIDN'T MEET ACROSS A CROWDED ROOM OR ANYTHING OF THAT NATURE?

"No! Of course not."

WHY SHOULD YOU CARE, THEN?

"Because he matt— because he's a human being, that's why," said Susan, surprised at herself. "I don't see why people should be messed around like that," she added lamely. "That's all. Oh, I don't know."

He leaned down again until his skull was on a level with her face.