Soul Music

Imp looked down at the bar. It was filling up a bit now. But his attention was drawn to a large orang-utan, which had pulled up its chair right in front of the stage and was holding a bag of fruit.

"Gllod, there's an ape watching us."

"Well?" said Glod, unfolding a string bag.

"It's an ape."

"This is Ankh-Morpork. That's how things are here." Glod removed his helmet and unfolded something from inside.

"Why've you got a string bag?" said Imp.

"Fruit's fruit. Waste not, want not. If they throw eggs, try to catch them."

Imp slung the guitar's strap over his shoulder. He'd tried to tell the dwarf, but what could he say: this is too easy to play?

He hoped there was a god of musicians.

And there is. There are many, one for almost every type of music. Almost every type. But the only one due to watch over Imp that night was Reg, god of club musicians, who couldn't pay much attention because he'd also got three other gigs to do.

"We ready?" said Lias, picking his hammers.

The others nodded.

"Let's give 'em "The Wizard's Staff", then," said Glod. "That always breaks the ice."

"OK," said the troll. He counted on his fingers. "One, two… one, two, many, lots."

The first apple was thrown seven seconds later. It was caught by Glod, who didn't miss a note. But the first banana curved viciously and grounded in his ear.

"Keep playing!" he hissed.

Imp obeyed, ducking a fusillade of oranges.

In the front row, the ape opened his bag and produced a very large melon.

"Can you see any pears?" said Glod, taking a breath. "I like pears."

"I can see a man with a throwing axe!"

"Does it look valuable?"

An arrow vibrated in the wall by Lias's head.

It was three in the morning. Sergeant Colon and Corporal Nobbs were reaching the conclusion that anyone who intended to invade Ankh-Morpork probably wasn't going to do so now. And there was a good fire back in the watch house.

"We could leave a note," said Nobby, blowing on his fingers. "You know? Come back tomorrow, sort of thing?"

He looked up. A solitary horse was walking under the gate arch. A white horse, with a sombre, black-clad rider.

There was no question of 'Halt, who goes there?" The night watch walked the streets at strange hours and had become accustomed to seeing things not generally seen by mortal men.

Sergeant Colon touched his helmet respectfully.

"'Evenin', your lordship," he said.

"ER… GOOD EVENING."

The guards watched the horse walk out of sight.

"Some poor bugger's in for it, then," said Sergeant Colon.

"He's dedicated, you got to admit it," said Nobby. "Out at all hours. Always got time for people."

"Yeah."

The guards stared into the velvety dark. Something not quite right, thought Sergeant Colon.

"What's his first name?" said Nobby.

They stared some more. Then Sergeant Colon, who still hadn't quite been able to put his finger on it, said: "What do you mean, what's his first name?"

"What's his first name?"

"He's Death," said the sergeant. "Death. That's his whole name. I mean… what do you mean?… You mean like… Keith Death?"

"Well, why not?"

"He's just Death, isn't he?"

"No, that's just his job. What do his friends call him?"

"What do you mean, friends?"

"All right. Please yourself."

"Let's go and get a hot rum."

"I think he looks like a Leonard."

Sergeant Colon remembered the voice. That was it. Just for a moment there…

"I must be getting old," he said. "For a moment there I thought he sounded like a Susan."

"I think they saw me," whispered Susan, as the horse rounded a corner.

The Death of Rats poked its head out of her pocket.

SQUEAK.

"I think we're going to need that raven," said Susan. "I mean, I… think I understand you, I just don't know what you're saying…

Binky stopped outside a large house, set back a little from the road. It was a slightly pretentious residence with more gables and mullions than it should rightly have, and this was a clue to its origins: it was the kind of house built for himself by a rich merchant when he goes respectable and needs to do something with the loot.

"I'm not happy about this," said Susan. "It can't possibly work. I'm human. I have to go to the toilet and things like that. I can't just walk into people's houses and kill them!"

SQUEAK.

"All right, not kill. But it's not good manners, however you look at it."

A sign on the door said: Tradesmen to rear entrance. "Do I count as—"

SQUEAK!

Susan normally would never have dreamed of asking. She'd always seen herself as a person who went through the front doors of life.

The Death of Rats scuttled up the path and through the door.

"Hang on! I can't—"

Susan looked at the wood. She could. Of course she could. More memories crystallized in front of her eyes. After all, it was only wood. It'd rot in a few hundred years. By the measure of infinity, it hardly existed at all. On average, considered over the lifetime of the multiverse, most things didn't.

She stepped forward. The heavy oak door offered as much resistance as a shadow.