Soul Music

"No chance. Tickets all sold out," said Dibbler, without turning his head. Even Band With Rocks In posters, people had been offering three dollars just for posters, and Chalky the troll could knock out a hundred a–

He looked up. The horse, a magnificent white one, watched him incuriously.

Dibbler looked around. "Where'd she go?"

There were a couple of trolls lounging just inside the entrance. Susan ignored them. They ignored her.

In the audience, Ponder Stibbons looked both ways and cautiously opened a wooden box.

The stretched string inside began to vibrate.

"This is all wrong!" he shouted in Ridcully's ear. "This is not according to the laws of sound!"

"Maybe they're not laws!" screamed Ridcully. People a foot away couldn't hear him. "Maybe they're just guidelines!"

"No! There have to be laws!"

Ridcully saw the Dean try to climb on the stage in the excitement. Asphalt's huge troll feet landed heavily on his fingers.

"Oh, I say, good shot," said the Archchancellor.

A prickling sensation on the back of his neck made him look around.

Although the Cavern was crowded, a space seemed to have formed in the floor. People were pressed together but, somehow, this circle was as inviolate as a wall.

In the middle of it was the girl he'd seen in the Drum. She was walking across the floor, holding her dress daintily.

Ridcully's eyes watered.

He stepped forward, concentrating. You could do almost anything if you concentrated. Anyone could have stepped into the circle if their senses had been prepared to let them know it was there. Inside the circle the sound was slightly muted.

He tapped her on the shoulder. She spun around, startled.

"Good evening," said Ridcully. He looked her up and down, and then said, "I'm Mustrum Ridcully, Archchancellor of Unseen University. I can't help wondering who you are."

"Er…" The girl looked panicky for a moment. "Well, technically… I suppose I'm Death."

"Technically?"

"Yes. But not on duty at the moment."

"Very glad to hear that."

There was a shriek from the stage as Asphalt threw the Lecturer in Recent Runes into the audience, which applauded.

"Can't say I've seen that much of Death," said Ridcully. "But in so far as I have, he's tended to be… well, he, to start with. And a good deal thinner…?"

"He's my grandfather."

"Ah. Ah. Really? I didn't even know he was—"Ridcully stopped. "Well, well, well, fancy that. Your grandfather? And you're in the family firm?"

"Shut up, you stupid man," said Susan. "Don't you dare patronize me. You see him?" She pointed to the stage, where Buddy was in mid-riff. "He's going to die soon because… because of silliness. And if you can't do anything about it, go away!"

Ridcully glanced at the stage. When he looked back, Susan had vanished. He made a mighty effort and thought he caught a glimpse of her a little way off, but she knew he was looking for her and he had no chance of finding her now.

Asphalt got back into the dressing room first. There is something very sad about an empty dressing room. It's like a discarded pair of underpants, which it resembles in a number of respects. It's seen a lot of activity. It may even have witnessed excitement and a whole gamut of human passions. And now there's nothing much left but a faint smell.

The little troll dumped the bag of rocks on the floor and bit the top off a couple of beer bottles.

Cliff entered. He got halfway across the floor and then fell over, hitting the boards with every part of his body at once. Glod stepped over him and flopped on to a barrel.

He looked at the beer bottles. He took off his helmet. He poured the beer into the helmet. Then he let his head flop forward.

Buddy entered and sat down in the corner, leaning against the wall.

And Dibbler followed. "Well, what can I say? What can I say?" he said.

"Don't ask us," said Cliff from his prone position. "How should we know?"

"That was magnificent," said Dibbler. "What's up with the dwarf? Is he drowning?"

Glod reached out an arm, without looking, smashed the top off another bottle of beer and poured it over his head.

"Mr Dibbler?" said Cliff.

"Yes?"

"I think we want to talk. Just us, like. The band. If you don't mind."

Dibbler looked from one to the other. Buddy was staring at the wall. Glod was making bubbling noises. Cliff was still on the floor.

"OK," he said, and then added brightly, "Buddy? The free performance… great idea. I'll start organizing it right away and you can do it just as soon as you get back from your tour. Right. Well, I'll just—"

He turned to leave and walked into Cliff's arm, which was suddenly blocking the doorway.

"Tour? What tour?"

Dibbler backed off a little. "Oh, a few places. Quirm, Pseudopolis, Sto Lat ' He looked around at them. "Didn't you want that?"

"We'll talk about dat later," said Cliff.

He pushed Dibbler out of the door and slammed it shut.

Beer dripped off Glod's beard.

"Tour? Three more nights of this?"