Southern Lights: A Novel

As Alexa lay in bed that night, it was hard to believe that it was all over. All those years of living together, and taking care of her, and being alone with her, and now she was going. Alexa felt devastated, and knew it would never be the same again. Savannah would come home for visits now, but never to live again, except in the summer. That seemed a long time away right now. The best was over, or so it seemed.

Alexa had rented a van to take her things to Princeton the next day. Savannah was taking a bicycle, her computer, a small stereo, pillows, blankets, a twin bedspread, framed photographs, all the things she needed in college. Savannah had spoken endlessly to the friend who was going to be her roommate. They were already making plans. Savannah was excited and called Turner four times on the ninety-minute drive. He had gotten to Duke the day before and had three roommates in a suite. Savannah having only one roommate in Princeton sounded very civilized to him. He was coming up the following weekend, and Savannah was thrilled.

Savannah had a map of the campus that she used to tell her mother where to go, once they got to Princeton. They had to leave the van in a parking lot. And Savannah used Nassau Hall, the oldest building on campus, and Cleveland Tower behind it, as their main landmarks to figure out the rest. Her room was in Butler Hall, and they found it after walking around for a few minutes and asking people where it was. Her room was on the second floor. And it took them two hours to get everything into her room and organized. They still had to hook up the stereo and the computer, but all else was in place, and the roommate’s parents were doing the same thing. Her father helped Alexa with the computer. And the girls were going to share a microwave and tiny refrigerator they rented for the room. Each girl had a phone line, a bed, a desk, a chair, and a chest of drawers. The closet space was minimal, and as Alexa struggled with it all, the two girls walked into the hallway to meet other students. In another hour, Savannah had been absorbed into dorm life and told her mother she could go.

“Don’t you want me to hang your clothes up?” Alexa asked, looking disappointed. She had just made the bed. They had brought some snacks too, and she thought they should buy more groceries. But Savannah was impatient to move on now, and meet the other students in the dorm and on campus. Her new life had just begun.

“No, Mom, I’ll be fine,” she said as the other girl did the same with her parents. “Honest. You can go.” It was a polite way of telling her to leave. Alexa hugged her close for a minute, and forced back tears.

“Take care of yourself…call me …”

“I will, I promise,” Savannah said as she kissed her, and Alexa smiled bravely as she left, but there were tears rolling down her cheeks when she reached the parking lot, and she wasn’t the only mother crying. It was wrenching, leaving her there. It was like setting a bird free after loving it and nurturing it for eighteen years. Were her wings strong enough? Would she remember how to fly? How would she feed herself? Savannah was ready for it, but Alexa wasn’t. She got into the van and started it, and cried all the way home. It was the final severing of the umbilical cord and felt like the worst day of her life.

Chapter 22

Alexa felt as though someone had died when she dressed for work the next day. Her cell phone rang just before she left the apartment, and she thought it was Savannah. She had forced herself not to call her the night before. The number that showed up on her cell phone was blocked, and when she answered it was Sam Lawrence, not Savannah. She hadn’t talked to him since July and was pleased he was calling.

“That’s a surprise,” she said pleasantly. “How are you?”

“Pretty good.” He sounded busy and in good spirits. “Will you have lunch with me today?” he asked her. She really wasn’t in the mood.

“To be honest, I feel like shit. My kid left for college yesterday. I feel like my life is over. I suddenly became obsolete. I hate this. How about lunch next week? I’ll be in a better mood.” She didn’t want to see anyone right now. She was mourning Savannah’s childhood, a huge loss for her.

“Let’s have lunch today anyway. I can cheer you up.” She hoped this wasn’t a date of some kind, because she was even less in the mood for that, and they were work buddies, and that was all she wanted with him. She tried to weasel out of lunch some more, but he wouldn’t let her.

“Okay. I’ll meet you at the deli across the street. Maybe the food will kill me and I won’t have to worry about being depressed anymore.”

“You’ll feel better in a couple of weeks. You were fine when she was in Charleston during the trial,” he reminded her.

“No, I wasn’t. I missed her like crazy. But I was busy. I don’t have a hell of a lot going on right now.” He didn’t comment, but they agreed to meet at twelve-thirty.