Southern Lights: A Novel

Tom’s mother stayed for an hour, and then he took her home. It had been a big outing for her, especially after her recent flu, which had left her feeling weak. She embraced Alexa as she left, and congratulated her again on Savannah.

Tom reminded them all on the way out that he would meet them at the restaurant at eight, and Daisy, Travis, and Scarlette would be with him, and Turner was coming too. Eight of them to celebrate Savannah’s acceptance to Princeton. He dropped his mother off then, and went home. And when he got there, he went to look for Luisa, and invited her again to come with them. Her face was set in hard lines. It was a familiar look to him.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Tom. I’m not having dinner with her.” She meant Alexa, which he knew. “And I don’t care where Savannah got into school. She’s not my child. What’s more, I’m sure Alexa doesn’t want to see me either. I wouldn’t in her shoes.”

“You may be right,” he conceded. “But you could at least participate somehow. You’ve done everything you could to avoid Savannah since she got here, and make her feel unwelcome. She’s my daughter.”

“But not mine,” Luisa said again. She looked somber, and sad. “I don’t want her here. You knew that and brought her here anyway.”

“I had no choice. You don’t have to make it as difficult as possible for everyone, Luisa. She’s not going to hurt you, and neither is her mother. They don’t want anything from you, or even from me.”

“They already have it,” she said sadly. “Alexa has had you for the last eleven years. You never left her, Tom.” He was stunned by what she said.

“What are you talking about? I left her eleven years ago, for you, and Daisy. I left her so we could get remarried. I never saw her again, or even spoke to her until February of this year.” Luisa nodded. She believed that, and checked up on him often. In her mind trust did not exclude supervision.

“And you never stopped loving her either. I knew it every time I looked at you, and the way you looked at me. I thought I could steal you from her, and you’d forget about her. You never did. You never loved me, Tom. You wanted me back to get even with Thornton, because I left you for him. Your ego was hurt, not your heart. Alexa has always had your heart.” Tom didn’t say a word when she said it. He couldn’t deny it. It was true. And they both knew it, and so did Alexa, even though she didn’t want him. “You never stopped loving her, and now you love her child, who looks just like her.”

“Savannah is her own person,” he defended.

“You had lunch with Alexa the last time she was here.”

“Yes, I did.” She always knew everything he did. “We share a daughter.”

“And what else?”

“Nothing. She doesn’t want me,” he said grimly. This was not a conversation he wanted to have with his wife.

“Did you ask her?”

“No. But I’m not happy, and you know it. You’ve been hard on me for years. You got me, and then for some reason I don’t understand, you’ve been punishing me ever since.”

“Because I knew you still loved her. You never loved me.”

“But I stayed with you. That must count for something. Loyalty at least.” But they both knew he wasn’t loyal. He had proved it to Alexa. He was weak. That was different, and Luisa knew it, and so did he.

“I don’t know why you stay,” Luisa said to him, honest for the first time in years, maybe ever. “For Daisy maybe. Out of laziness. Because your mother told you to. Even your mother has turned on me.” She knew about the visit to Alexa and her mother that afternoon. Tom had told her. “You turned on me when you brought Savannah here. You have no respect for me at all.”

“It’s hard to respect a woman who is so angry, and so often mean, Luisa. Think about it. You’re not even nice to Daisy, your own daughter. You walked out on our boys. And on me. It’s hard to forget those things. So now what do we do? Hate each other for the next forty years, or give it up, or just limp along? It would be nice if we could at least be friends. You don’t have to come tonight. And you’re right, you probably shouldn’t. It would be awkward for both of you, and Savannah. She’s very protective of her mother.”

“So are you.”

“No. I feel guilty. That’s different. I didn’t protect her when I should have. From you. I cheated on her, and slept with you, and I got you pregnant. For all I know you did it on purpose.” She didn’t answer one way or the other, which told him what he knew anyway. “I let you and my mother manipulate me. But I didn’t protect her for a second, and she was my wife then, not you. But I did it. And you’re my wife now. It would be nice if you’d act like one, once in a while, and not as though you hate me. We created this mess together. It was what you wanted. You got it. Why don’t we make the best of it, or at least try to? It’s going to be a very sad, lonely life for both of us if we don’t.” Everything he had said was true.

“I’ll feel better when Savannah leaves,” she said quietly. “We can start then.”