Spencerville

"I know. I hate telephones. So I got myself all worked up, and I decided to see other men. I want you to know, Keith, I never loved any of them. Not the way I still loved you. In fact, not at all." She laughed and said, "I got dumped by all of them. They all had the same complaints. Annie, you're cold, stuck-up, selfish, self-centered, and so on. I was none of those things. I was in love with another man."

"You don't have to tell me any of this."

"Sure I do. So I went to Europe, to get away, and I was stunned by the beauty — I mean, where had I been? Spencerville, Bowling Green, and Columbus. And every time I saw something that moved me, I'd say, 'Keith, look at that. Keith, isn't that beautiful?' " She put her elbows on her knees and buried her face in her hands. "I'm sorry... I haven't cried in years, and I've been crying for weeks now."

"It's okay."

She found a tissue in her pocket and blew her nose. "Okay... so then I came home, and my cousin was getting married, and I was her maid of honor, and at the reception I met Cliff Baxter."

"I heard that from someone who was there. I also heard from my mother that you got engaged to him, and that I was a fool."

"Your mother was right. So was my mother. She told me not to marry him. Funny thing is that my father liked him at first. Most guys seemed to like him, and a lot of women did, too. The women liked him because he had a new car every year, he had some charm, and he was good-looking. He still has a new car."

"Annie..."

"Quiet. So I was still sort of inexperienced with men, and I couldn't judge... I thought, well, there'll never be another Keith, but Cliff is the boy next door, Cliff has a responsible job, Cliff is draft-exempt, and the other guys are married, or in the Army, and Cliff always liked me. Can you imagine such narrow, immature, small-town thinking?"

"Sure. This is who we were, Annie."

"Yes, it was. So... he asked me to marry him... down on one knee, if you can believe that... I was flattered, I was feeling low about myself, I was stupid."

Keith asked her, "Annie, why did you marry him? Really. You have to know it, and you have to say it."

She glanced at him, then stood and replied, "To get back at you."

He stood also, and they looked at each other.

She said, "You bastard. Do you know what you did to me? Do you know? I hate you. I hate what you did to me, what you made me into, what I did because of you."

"I know. Feel better?"

She nodded.

He took her hand, and they sat on the edge of the stream and watched the water. She said, "Thank you. I do feel better."

"Me, too."

She said, "I don't hate you anymore."

"Maybe just a little."

"No, I don't. I'm angry at myself."

"So am I. But I think we can forgive ourselves if we do it right this time."

She asked him, "And you're sure you aren't still angry with me? I mean for the way I treated you when you went off to the Army and for marrying Cliff?"

"Well, I was. You know that. But I came to understand it a little. I mean, we never wrote about it, but just the act of writing and keeping in touch was sort of our way of saying we both made mistakes, we both regretted what had happened, and we were sort of apologizing, forgiving, and still loving — without saying 'I'm sorry, forgive me, I love you.' " He added, "I'm glad you decided to bring it up. I'm glad you feel you can talk to me."

"I do. You're the first man I've called a bastard since... well, since you — that time you had lunch in the student union with that little bitch, whatever her name was."

"Karen Rider."

"Bastard." She laughed.

They watched the rippling water for a long time, thinking their own thoughts, then Annie said, "It's peaceful here. I used to take the kids fishing at the pond. I taught them to skate there. I think you'd like them. They take after me."

"That's good."

"They're not actually kids anymore, are they? They're very mature."

"Then they're doing better than us. We don't want to grow up."

"We grew up. I want to be a kid again."

"Why not? Pick an age you like and stick with it. That's my new motto."

She laughed. "Okay, twenty-one."

"Well, darling, you have the body for it."

"You noticed. I'm the same size as I was in college. I'm very vain about my looks. Very shallow."

"Good. Me, too. By the way, you looked good in jeans the other night. What are you dressed for today?"

"Well... he wants me to dress when I go into town. I can't even go to the public pool and be seen in a bathing suit. One time he came by the high school where I was taking an aerobics class, and he got one look at what I was wearing in a coed class and he freaked out, so now I work out at home... sorry. You don't want to hear this."

"Are you allowed to have sex with a horseman you just met in the woods?"

"That happens to be one of my recurring sexual fantasies."

"Good." He stood and looked around. "A little rough here."