Squirrelflight's Hope

His words stung like claw marks. She watched him disappear into the grass, her chest tightening. “Don’t you think about it?” She pushed after him, but he was already hurrying ahead. He was on the tree-bridge by the time she caught up to him. She followed him over it and jumped onto the far shore.

She fell in beside Bramblestar, breathless as she tried to keep up. “Don’t you think about kits, Bramblestar?”

“I have kits,” he snapped.

“Alderheart and Sparkpelt? They’re grown up now!”

“I know!” Bramblestar didn’t look at her. “They’re old enough to look after themselves. Why are you so desperate to be responsible for new lives? Isn’t being deputy enough?”

“It should be, but it’s not.” Squirrelflight felt panic welling. “I’m getting older with each season. One day I won’t be able to have more kits. I just want another litter before it’s too late.”

“I know.” Bramblestar sounded weary. “And of course I want kits. Just not as much as you do.”

Squirrelflight stopped and stared after him. “Don’t you love me anymore?”

Bramblestar turned, his eyes sparking with exasperation. “Yes! But I am responsible for our Clan. And if the other Clans are planning to start up more trouble with SkyClan, I need to focus on that. I don’t have as much energy as I used to. I’m getting older too.”

“No, you’re not!” Anger flared in Squirrelflight’s chest. “You have more lives than me—” She broke off as a realization washed over her like ice water. Was that why he didn’t care about kits? He had plenty of time to have kits in the future, maybe even with another mate, when she was dead. The thought made her feel sick. Bramblestar’s next litter might have a mother who wasn’t her. She stared at him, unable to speak.

His gaze shimmered suddenly as though he saw her pain. “I’m sorry.” He hurried to her side and pressed his muzzle against her cheek. “I shouldn’t have said anything. I was angry. I felt you weren’t on my side at the meeting. I was trying to protect SkyClan.”

“So was I!” She pulled away indignantly. “I was trying to find a solution that would keep the peace.”

“Maybe you’re right. But that isn’t the point. You’re my deputy.” His tail twitched. “You’re supposed to back me up in front of the other Clans. We need to look united. You know how quickly Tigerstar smells weakness, and how he exploits it.”

“It’s not weak to have different opinions.” Squirrelflight’s pelt pricked.

“It looks a lot like weakness when a deputy disagrees with her leader in public.” Bramblestar shifted his paws. “You should know better! You should have discussed your idea with me in private and we could have taken it to the other Clans together.”

“It might have been too late by then.” Squirrelflight paused. She didn’t want to argue. And besides, the issue with SkyClan wasn’t what was worrying her now. “I’m sorry I spoke up without talking to you first. But is that really why you said you don’t want to have kits?”

Bramblestar gazed at her, his eyes round. “I’m sorry if I made it sound that way. I do want to have kits with you.”

“Really?” Her heart lifted.

“Yes. If that’s what you want.”

Squirrelflight stared at him. There was resignation in his eyes. Grief twisted her belly as he stared back at her blankly. She turned away. I want you to want it too.

They followed the trail back to camp in silence. When they arrived, Larksong was guarding the entrance. His eyes flashed in the darkness as he saw them. “How was the meeting?” The black tom hurried forward. “What did Harestar want?”

“It was the usual argument,” Bramblestar meowed heavily as he ducked through the thorn tunnel. Squirrelflight let Larksong slip in front of her and followed them into camp. Birchfall and Lionblaze were waiting in the moonlit clearing as Bramblestar had predicted. As the three warriors clustered around Bramblestar, Squirrelflight hesitated.

They hardly seemed to notice she was there. She felt barely there herself. The argument with Bramblestar buzzed in her head. He might have kits with another cat when I’m dead. She’d never really considered before that he would likely outlive her—by several lifetimes. Her heart sank as she understood suddenly, for the first time, that she would never become ThunderClan’s leader. The kithood dreams she’d shared with Leafpool would come to nothing. Bramblestar would outlive her, and she’d only ever be the leader’s mate. Sadness swamped her. What would she leave behind when she died? Would another cat replace her as soon as she was gone?

Quietly, she padded toward the warriors’ den. She’d sleep in her old nest tonight. Her heart ached too much to lie beside Bramblestar now.

CHAPTER 2

“It’s going to need repairing before leaf-bare.” Brackenfur looked up.

Squirrelflight followed the old warrior’s gaze and saw holes in the roof of the elders’ den. Sunshine streamed through them, dazzling her. She looked away. “I’ll organize a patrol to fix it,” she promised.