Стяжавшая любовь. Том III

During the reign of the atheist powers, it was difficult to find a place in the Monastery, as militant atheist authorities would not grant the necessary permits. Women who came to the Lavra would often be sent to other women's monasteries that could accept those who wanted to move there. Matushka Alipiya never asked to go elsewhere, and she stayed at the Lavra. She dressed like everyone else, and did not put on monastic attire. At the time, secret tonsure was a very common practice. Many monasteries had been shut down, it was difficult to get a place in one of the remaining open monasteries, and even if one were to find such a place, he would be watched by the authorities. Many monastics had to remain in the secular world. Surrounded by such great elders at the Lavra, Matushka Alipiya absorbed their example and teachings with all her heart. Thus, Venerable St. Kuksha would teach tonsured monastics to do nothing for show, to do nothing openly, but to pray without ceasing and in secret. He taught them to endure anything, to humble themselves, and to dress just like anyone else in the secular world. This was a school whose lessons Matushka Alipiya remembered to the end of their days. The path to sanctity is thorny, and only those who follow it in profound humility will receive the Lord's peace and will be glorified.

After Archimandrite Kronid's death, Matushka Alipiya was provided spiritual nourishment by another Lavra elder, Schema-monk Damian, a man endowed with many spiritual gifts. He blessed her to undertake a different obedience, one that Matushka Alipiya performed for some time — to live in the corridor of a building housing the Lavra elders' cells. This was a school of humility, patience, vigil, and prayer, one which spiritually strengthened Matushka Alipiya for unseen warfare with the spirits of evil in the world.

Following the closing of the Kiev Caves Lavra, the Eldress once again spent years living as a hermit, this time in even more severe ascetic labors. People took her in, but the blessed one did not seek out a comfortable life, but rather would stay cold and hungry, in rat-infested cellars. To one who had spent years enduring trials and engaging in unheard of ascetic labors, these new trials ever more strengthened her resolve to voluntarily carry the Cross of monasticism.

Accustomed to constant spiritual activity and hard labor, matushka Alipiya worked a great deal, as a day laborer and in construction. She remained faithful to her rule: she never slept at night, spending it instead in fervent and unceasing prayer to God. Her much-laboring body knew no rest, either by day or by night. She never slept in a bed, either in relatively young years, or in old age. During the times the eldress was severely ill and had to lie down, she did not stray from ascetic labor: she would sleep on bare boards. Every night was a time of battle for her, a battle against both human physical exhaustion and the spirits of evil which arrayed themselves against her with unbelievable force.

After the closure of the Lavra in 1961, Matushka Alipiya became a parishioner of the Church of the Ascension on Demievka. The neighborhood was known as Stalinka during the Soviet years. There were very few functioning churches in Kiev, and the Church of the Ascension was widely known in Kiev. Many monastics were parishioners of that church. Matushka Alipiya was distinguished from other parishioners, both by the daring with which she addressed God, and by her spiritual cast of mind. Of course, Matushka's unusual clairvoyance could not remain hidden. By that time, Matushka Alipiya would often turn to another unusual and difficult spiritual struggle, that of being a Fool for Christ. This is the most difficult of ascetic struggles, for in it one offers up to God his entire being, including his reason, and in so doing, evokes ridicule and disparagement from those around him. The actions of such a Fool for Christ, while seemingly provocative or ridiculous, in fact have a profound significance which is revealed only later. With clairvoyant eyes, the fool for Christ sees spiritual mysteries, and adorns them in symbols and signs.

Parishioners of the Ascension Church would always see Matushka Alipiya in church, either during or after services. Sometimes, she would pray for several hours before icons in the church, or while kneeling before the solea, or in the church yard behind the Altar.

It was at this time that the Lord sent her a temporary refuge. This was a house, on Goloseyev Street, from which the residents had been evicted, as it was to be demolished. Matushka Alipiya moved into this house, and people began to come visit her. After church services, many people would seek out Matushka for advice.