Stone of Tears

The Sister rode in silence for a moment. When her voice came, it came lower, darker, than it had before. The Nameless One always seeks to have us side with him. Though he is locked behind the veil, his tentacles can still reach into this world. He can still harm us. He is dangerous. The dark side is dangerous. When ignorant people dabble in things dark, they can call forth danger, call forth the attention of the Nameless One or his minions. It is possible you really were touched, burned, by one of the evil ones.” She glanced over. There are dangerous things people are too foolish to avoid. Sometimes, those things can kill.”

Her voice brightened a bit. That is one of our jobs; trying to teach those who have not yet seen the light of the Creator to go toward that light, and stay away from the things dark, and dangerous.”

Richard couldn’t think of anything to counter the Sister’s explanations of events. The things she said made sense. If she were right, that would mean that Kahlan wasn’t really in danger; that Kahlan was safe. He wanted to believe that. He desperately wanted to believe that. But still…

“I will admit that you could be right, but I’m not sure. There seems to be more to it than I can put into words.”

“I understand, Richard. It’s hard to admit we have been wrong. No one wants to admit they have been tricked, or made to look the fool. That view of ourselves hurts. But part of growing, learning, is being able to hold the truth above all else, even when it means we must admit to having held foolish ideas.

“Please believe me, Richard, I do not see you as a fool for having believed as you did. Your fear was understandable. The mark of a wise person is being able to reach beyond for the truth, to admit they can learn more than they already know.”

“But all of these things are connected…”

“Are they? A wise person doesn’t string together the beads of unrelated events into a necklace simply to have something they wish to see. A wise person sees the truth even if it is something unexpected. That is the most beautiful necklace to wear—the truth.”

“The truth,” he muttered to himself. He was the Seeker. The truth was what the Seeker was all about. It was woven in gold wire into the hilt of his sword: the Sword of Truth. Something about the things that had happened were more than he could put into words for her. Could it be as she said? Could he simply be fooling himself?

He remembered the Wizard’s First Rule: people will believe anything, either because they want it to be true, or are afraid it might be. He knew from experience that he was as susceptible to it as anyone else. He wasn’t above believing a lie.

He had believed Kahlan loved him. He had believed she would never do anything to hurt him. And she had sent him away. Richard felt the lump rising in his throat again.

“I’m telling you the truth, Richard. I am here to help you.” He didn’t answer. He didn’t believe her. As if to answer his thoughts, she asked, “How are your headaches?”

The question stunned him. Not the question so much as the realization. “They’re… gone. The headache is completely gone.”

Sister Verna smiled and nodded in satisfaction. “As I promised you, the Rada’Han would take away the headache. We only want to help you, Richard.”

His eyes turned to watch her. “You also said the collar is to control me.”

“So we may teach you, Richard. You must have a person’s attention to teach them. That’s all it is for.”

“And to hurt me. You said it is to give me pain.”

She shrugged, opening her palms to the sky, the reins woven through her fingers. “I have just given you pain. I showed you how you were believing in something foolish. Does that not give you pain? Does it not hurt you to learn you have been wrong? But isn’t it better to know the truth than to believe a lie? Even if it hurts?”

He looked away, thinking of the truth of Kahlan making him put on a collar, sending him away. That truth hurt more than anything: the truth that he wasn’t good enough for her. “I guess so. But I don’t like wearing a collar. Not one bit.”

He was sick of talking. His chest hurt. His muscles were all cramped. He was tired. He missed Kahlan. But Kahlan had made him put on a collar and sent him away. He let his horse and the one tethered to his saddle fall back to trail behind the Sister’s once more as tears ran down his cheeks, feeling like ice on his skin.

He rode in silence. His horse tore off wads of grass and chewed as it plodded along. Ordinarily, Richard wouldn’t have let his horse eat while it had a bit in its mouth. It couldn’t chew properly with the bit, and could end up with colic. You could lose a good horse to colic. Instead of stopping it, Richard stroked its warm neck and gave reassuring pats.

It felt good to have company that didn’t tell him he was stupid; company that didn’t judge or make demands. He didn’t feel like doing the same to the horse. Better to be a horse than a man, he thought. Walk, turn, stop. Nothing more. Better to be anything than what he was.