Stone of Tears

After you are able to touch the Han, then we must discover what it is you can do with it. Every wizard is different, and uses Han differently. Some can use it only through the use of mind, like wizards who study the prophecies. The use of their Han to understand prophecies is the major way the gift manifests itself with them. It is their unique talent. Some can only use their Han to create beautiful, inspiring objects. Some use their Han to create things invested with magic. It is their unique talent, how they are able to express Han. Some are able to use their thoughts to influence the world about them, as I showed you when I lifted the rock. Some can do other things with Han. Some are able to do a little of everything.”

Her frown returned. “The truth is of the utmost importance in this, Richard. You must be completely truthful in telling us how the Han feels within you. Lying will cause grave difficulty.” She relaxed a bit. “But first, you must be able to call upon your Han before we can discover what sort of wizard you are.”

“I told you: I don’t want to be a wizard. I just want to learn to control the gift so I can stop the headaches and get this collar off my neck. You said I didn’t have to be a wizard.”

“Controlling Han, with the gift, is what it means to be a wizard. When you learn to control it, you will be a wizard. That is the very essence of a wizard. But wizard is only a word. You should not fear a word. If you choose not to use the gift, that is your business, we can’t force you, but a wizard you will be.”

“Teach me what I need to know, but I’ll not be a wizard.”

“It is not something evil, Richard. It is just learning to know yourself, what you are capable of, what your talents are.”

Richard sighed. Tine. So how do I control it?”

Teaching control of the gift is a process taken in steps. I cannot explain it to you all at once because you would be unable to understand steps further along. Each step must be mastered before you can move on to the next.

“Before we can show you how to project the Han outside yourself, you must first recognize it, and then be able to touch it, join with it within yourself. You must know what it is. You must be able to feel it. You must be able to reach, for it, touch it, at will. You understand what I am saying, yes?”

Richard nodded. “A little, I guess. So what is it? How will I know it? What is it like to know it, to touch it?”

Sister Verna’s eyes became distant, seeming to go out of focus. “You will know it,” she whispered. “It is like seeing the light given off by the Creator. It is almost like joining with Him.”

Richard watched her glazed expression. She seemed enthralled by what she was seeing within herself.

“So how do I find it?” he asked at last.

Her eyes focused on him. “You must search for it, within yourself.”

“How?”

“You simply sit, and search within. You put all other thoughts aside, and seek the quiet, the calm, within yourself. At first, it is helpful if you close your eyes, breathe slowly, evenly, and let yourself find the peace of nothingness. In the beginning, it helps to focus on a single thing, in order to exclude all distracting thoughts.”

“A single thing? Like what?”

She shrugged. “Whatever you wish. It is only a device to help you reach the end, not the end in itself. Everyone is different. Some use a single word, repeating it over and over to the exclusion of all else. Some use a mental picture of a simple object, using it to bring their mind into focus. Eventually, after you learn to recognize the power, to touch it and become one with it, you won’t need to focus on a device first. You will know the nature of Han, and be able to reach directly for it. It will become second nature to you. I know it sounds strange and difficult to you now, Richard, but in time you will find it as easy as it is for you to call forth the magic of your sword.”

Richard had the uneasy feeling that he already knew what she was talking about. He could almost understand what she was saying. The words seemed strange, but they described something that was somehow familiar, yet different.

“So you just wish me to sit and close my eyes and seek the quiet within?”

She nodded. “Yes.” Sister Verna pulled her heavy brown cloak tighter around her shoulders. “You may begin.”

Richard let out a breath. “All right.”

He closed his eyes. It seemed his thoughts were scattering in all directions at once. He tried to herd them away. He tried to think of a word or a picture to focus on. He thought of Kahlan’s name before anything else. He let it flow like liquid through his mind. Kahlan. He rejected the idea. He hated his magic, and didn’t want to associate her with anything he hated. Besides, the thought of her only brought pain, the pain of loving her enough to give her what she wanted, of having set her free.